Only for you, part 1
by Suzanne D. Coldfeather
Summary: The evolution of Shepard's and Liara's relationship.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok, just a few points: My Shepard is female, she's a vanguard and she a renegade. Secondly, I'm aware that there are several Liara/Shepard stories being written at the moment, any similarties are unintentional, I have tried to keep it as original as possible... Thirdly, this isn't strictly cannon, I have taken some liberties with the dialogue and with the characters. I hope you enjoy it._

Chapter 1

There she was, humanity's first Spectre. The brightest of the brightest. The best of the best. The bravest of the brave…at least that's what the news feeds said. But like all things, the reality was very different, and Commander Sulien Shepard was not one to believe her own hype. She was who she was; she did what she did and they could take or leave it.

That didn't make it any easier walking through the Citadel, though. People would stop and stare. Some would point and whisper to each other. It was almost a relief when somebody approached her and asked her for an autograph or to pose for a photo. At least they were acknowledging that she was a person rather than an object to be ogled and gossiped about. Frankly, it was getting tiresome. How the hell was she meant to do her job like this?

Reaching the _Normandy_, she saluted Pressley as she walked down the command deck, heading towards the doors, which would lead her out onto the main deck and to her quarters. Her quarters, where she really wanted to be right now, alone and free from the constant whispers and the staring. And the Council, they were even worse. Sending her all over the galaxy — Shepard go here, Shepard do that. All of which she did, dutifully and without complaint. She resolved every mission they sent her on to the best of her ability given the time constraints. And now here she was, after all her hard work, grounded. Locked out of her own ship.

The galaxy was ending around her and she was stuck here by a shortsighted bunch of bureaucrats. It was enough to make her scream.

Instead, she eased herself into a chair in front of her console and rubbed the bridge of her nose. How the hell was she supposed to get out of this? The Council had locked her out. The ambassador was using the situation as an opportunity to ingratiate himself with the Council and had closed all official communication channels. Standing up, she pushed herself out of the chair and headed towards the door. Maybe a walk would help her think.

Leaving her quarters, she looked at Lt. Alenko's station and shook her head sadly. Poor Kaidan. She missed him. His easy smile, his unassuming friendship. He never asked for anything of her and in the end had given his life for the mission…_her_ mission. She shook her head to prevent the tears that were threatening to fall.

_Not now, Sulien._ "Not ever," she said to herself in a quiet voice.

Two marines saluted her as she entered the elevator leading to the second deck. She nodded in acknowledgment, not trusting herself to speak.

Once the elevator stopped and she had stepped out, she made her way to Gunnery Chief Williams' station, but Williams was not there. Surveying it, Shepard noted that the Chief ran a tight ship, as there was a place for everything and everything was in its place. Nodding in approval, the Commander picked up her assault rifle, which she had asked the Chief to upgrade. Turning it over in her hands, she felt the weight; she checked the sight and nodded once more before placing the gun back in rotation. The Chief would be none too pleased if the Commander messed up her station.

Sighing, Shepard walked towards her locker. Maybe she'd grab her book. She knew that she had one in there someplace. She always thought best if her mind was distracted with something else other than the matter at hand. Strange as that sounded, she worked better if she approached the problem sideways rather than head on. Anyway, she always preferred the paper versions to the more modern data pads, which were so common these days.

There was just something about the smell of paper — it made her feel safe. When she had been a child back on Mindor, her father used to have books in his office at the top of the stairs. When she was very little and in trouble, she would hide under the bookcase.

Shepard attempted to open her locker, she keyed the biometric scanner, no result, and she tried again, no result. Shepard sighed in frustration. She couldn't even open her own locker on her own damn ship because of the bloody Council. Slamming her fist into the locker, she slunk down onto the deck. She felt like screaming, raging and punching the bulkhead until her fists were bloody. She smiled a little at that, imaging how the crew would react — their unflappable leader screaming herself hoarse and beating her fists bloody. _Not too well_, she thought.

Oh, how little they knew her. She wasn't cool or unflappable or even levelheaded. That was all a façade that she had built up over the years. It was easy, really. Just be cool towards people, professional but not friendly, and don't encourage others. Keep them at a distance and the rest would take care of itself. She had it down to a fine art. Her crew respected her, admired her. They knew that she would do anything in her power to keep them safe and to ensure the success of their (her) mission. But did they like her? Sulien sincerely doubted them.

All but one.

Despite her best efforts, one had managed to get past her defences. She had reached her core and had found the real Sulien Shepard. She hadn't meant for it to happen, it just did. She remembered the conversations that they had. Innocent at first — a commanding officer looking out for one of her crew who'd had a rough day. But things had progressed…and some of their conversations hadn't gone so well. Shaking her head, Sulien's mind wander over her memories.

Commander Shepard had assigned Liara to a room off the med bay. After the mission de-briefing was over, Sulien decided to check in on the young woman. She made her way down to the main deck and into the med bay, pausing once to talk to the doctor.

"How is she, Doc?" Shepard inquired.

"Oh, she'll be fine in a few days," Dr. Chakwas replied. "Nothing a little rest won't fix." She looked up and frowned at Shepard.

"More to the point, how are _you_, Commander? I seem to remember telling you to take it easy."

"Fine, fine, Doc," Shepard replied hurriedly, not wishing to be under the doctor's scrutiny.

"Hm, I hardly think running out of a collapsing building constitutes taking it easy." She waved her hand in front of the Commander before she could reply. "Yes, yes, I know, we do what we must."

Shepard nodded at the doctor and began to move away towards the door at the back of the med bay. The Doctor watched her go.

_That poor woman,_ she thought privately to herself. _She has everything and yet she has nothing. _

Doctor Chakwas couldn't imagine what it must be like to be Sulien Shepard. The woman exuded strength and confidence, yet if one took the time to really look at her one could see the pain underneath. _Everyone wants to be her, if only they took the time to get to really get to know her __rather than see what they want to, they would thank their god for the life they have._

"Commander…"

Shepard stopped mid-stride and looked back at the doctor, a slightly confused look on her face.

"Just be careful."

"Of course," was all she said before turning away once more.

Dr. Chakwas watched the Commander leave. "Tough soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls indeed."

The door opened quietly in front of the Commander and she walked through. Dr. T'Soni was sitting at the console, looking at some Prothean information. She spun around in her chair when she heard the door open; she stood up when she saw that it was the Commander.

The asari was significantly shorter than the Commander and their height difference made her feel intimidated. Liara watched as Shepard came across the room, noting the grace with which she held herself and the air of confidence she exuded. Shepard stopped in front of Liara, and Liara watched as Shepard, clasped her hands loosely behind her back.

She appeared to be relaxed. Liara had already heard whispers about how the crew disliked aliens. They didn't trust Liara because of her mother. The XO of the ship had all but spat when Shepard brought her aboard. Liara suspected that it was the look in his commanding officer's eyes that prevented him from being anything but cordial to her.

"Checking up on me, Commander?" Liara asked crossly. Why couldn't they trust her? She was not her mother. She hadn't seen her mother in years.

Taken aback by the vehemence in Liara's voice, Shepard schooled her expression in response. "No," she said, "I just came by to see if you were all right."

Liara was surprised by this. Not only had this woman saved her twice in the past twelve hours, but also she was concerned for her.

"I am fine, Commander. Dr. Chakwas has given me a clean bill of health."

"That is good. I am glad that you are well."

Sulien was looking at the asari, noting her clear brown eyes and the light blue hue of her skin. It was one of the first things she had noticed about the asari back on Therum — that and her smile. She noticed that Liara was looking around the room nervously. _She looks distracted and ill at ease,_ the Commander thought. _Do I make her uncomfortable?_ Shepard sighed mentally. _Another perk of being a galactic hero _—_ unnerving people._

Liara was indeed somewhat uncomfortable under such scrutiny. "Is there something that I can help you with, Commander?" she enquired in order to divert her attention.

Caught staring, the Commander nodded her head. "Yes, actually, there is." She opened a pocket in her blue combat trousers and pulled out a small disc. "I'm afraid that it got a little damaged," she said, holding out the object to the asari, "but you may be able to get some information off it."

The doctor took the disc reverently. "A Prothean disc…" She looked at the Commander. "These are very rare. Only a handful have ever been found and very few work."

The Commander watched as the doctor turned to her console. "I shall get to work on this immediately and let you know what I uncover," she said as she inserted the disc into the console, already absorbed in her work.

"See that you do," Shepard replied, although she doubted that the doctor heard. The Commander stood for a moment, watching the young woman at work. She noted the way Liara drummed her fingers on the desk and the way she rubbed the bridge of her nose, then silently took her leave.

Her conversations with Liara continued, and Sulien found herself looking forward to the end of her shift when she could go and spend a while talking with the doctor. They didn't talk about big important issues — just the little things. Liara spoke about her mother, telling her what it was like to grow up as an asari pureblood. Sulien had been secretly horrified at such prejudice, but she had said little, not wanting to upset their fledging relationship. Liara also spoke to her about her research and explained in detail her obsession with the Protheans. Sulien had little interest in history beyond that of the military, but she listened anyway. This delighted Liara, who was thrilled to have someone to share her findings with.

Shepard felt that the young doctor was somebody that she could relate to. Although their interests were vastly different, they seemed to share a common ground: the Protheans. They fascinated Liara and Shepard was the only living being to have used one of their beacons. Liara asked her many questions about her dreams and what it was like to be "touched by the Protheans," as she called it. Shepard did her best to answer the other woman's questions, not wanting to disappoint the doctor.

Later she wondered to herself why she cared so much if she disappointed her or not. She had disappointed people before and not given a damn._ It's because you're falling for her, _a treacherous part of her brain said. Alarmed, Shepard pushed that thought quickly from her mind. _Not so. We have no time for this. We have to stop Saren, and Dr. T'Soni is a Prothean expert. She is attempting to help me make sense of the dreams _—_ that is all, that is all._

Conversations about the Protheans had led to conversations about her childhood and her mother, whom Shepard had ended up killing. That was one conversation, which Shepard would never forget. It had possibly been one of the hardest days of her life — to kill somebody's mother in front of them. She would never forget the look of despair in Benezia's eyes as she died, or the anguish she saw in Liara's as she knelt to close her mother to whisper a prayer of passing in her ear. Feelings that had been long locked away came rushing from their cages. She saw the asari looking at her, tears in her eyes as she held her mother, and Sulien felt her resolve falter as her own demons threatened to overwhelm her.

Later, aboard the _Normandy_, Shepard had gone to Liara and stood by the door, watching the young woman.

"Dr. T'Soni," she said quietly by way of greeting.

Upon hearing her name, Liara turned. "Commander Shepard," she replied equally as formally. "What brings you here?"

She stood up from her desk and leaned against it, watching the Spectre from across the room.

"I have come to apologise to you."

"For what?" Came the angry question.

Shepard was at loss for words, so she did her usual thing and just said it. "For killing your mother."

The asari closed her eyes briefly. "Yes, well, we do what we must, don't we?" Liara opened her eyes again and looked straight at Sulien.

Sulien crossed the room and stood in front of Liara. "Truly I am, Liara. I never wanted to do it, but I had to."

"Yes, Commander, I know." Liara paused and wiped a tear from her eye. "For the good of the mission."

Liara's words cut her to the quick. "Yes, for the good of the mission," Sulien whispered.

Liara wiped away another tear.

"Goodnight Commander, I hope you sleep well."

With that, Liara turned back to her work. Sulien wanted to reach out, to take the young woman in her arms and soothe her. But she couldn't. She didn't know how.

Shepard went to her quarters then and lay on her bunk. Staring up at the ceiling, she ran her conversation with Liara over and over in her head. _That could have gone better,_ she concluded.

Turning her side, she attempted to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, she saw Liara's tear-stained face and heard her harsh words. Eventually, she gave up, left her quarters, and headed for the mess.

Sitting down, she noticed that the few crewmembers there left quickly once she arrived. Nobody really wanted to be stuck in polite conversation with the Commander. Not that Shepard felt like talking.

_This is ridiculous_, she scolded herself. _I have to find Saren and stop the Reapers, and I don't have time for this._

Lost in thought, she did not notice the Chief come in. Spying the Commander, she made her way over, oblivious to her scowl. Placing a cup of coffee in front of Shepard, the Chief sat down and took a sip of her own coffee.

Sighing, she placed her cup down. "Nothing beats fresh-brewed coffee."

Shepard looked up. "Chief," she said suddenly, surprised to find her sitting across the table from her. Most of the crew avoided her unless they had to make a direct report.

"Yep," Williams answered flippantly. "Looked like you were doing some serious thinking there. Thought you could use a brew," she said, gesturing towards the cup in front of the Commander.

"Thanks," Shepard replied, raising the mug to her lips and taking a sip of the hot liquid. "This is _good_," she said, surprised, before she looked at the Chief suspiciously. "This isn't standard rations."

"Nope," the Chief replied. "Picked it up while I was on the Citadel." She took another sip, savouring the coffee. "Here we are, on the best ship in the galaxy, with the first human Spectre. Only the best for the best." She raised her mug to the Commander, eyeing her for a moment. "Know what I'm saying, Skipper?"

Shepard was touched by the young woman's words. "Yeah, I think I do," she said, raising her mug to the Chief. The two sat in silence for a few minutes.

"So, what's eating you, Skipper?" Williams eventually asked when she couldn't handle the silence any longer.

"What makes you think that there's something wrong?" Shepard enquired tersely.

"You look like someone shot your dog," came equally terse reply.

Sulien smiled slightly at the analogy. "Just mulling over the day, to be honest."

"Yeah, it was a tough one all right," agreed the Chief. "Poor T'Soni. She must be feeling pretty horrible right about now," she mused.

The Chief had no love of aliens. In fact, in her opinion, the whole lot of them could go to hell in a hand basket. She did, however, know the pain of losing a parent, and her compassion outweighed her prejudice.

Sulien could only nod in agreement as the Chief continued.

"I mean, to have one of your parents killed right before your eyes…I don't know what I'd do."

Shepard looked sadly at the young marine. "I do," she replied. "You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and just get on with the job at hand."

Williams looked at Shepard, took another sip of her coffee, mulling over what her CO had just said. "Is that what you told _her_? To get over it? That this was for the good of the mission?"

Noting the emphasis on the word _her_, Shepard said nothing, just looked into her cooling coffee.

Taking her silence as yes, Williams stood up. "Geez, Skipper, have a heart." She went to rinse out her mug. "I'm not Dr. T'Soni's biggest fan but the girl's just seen her mother killed right before her eyes. She's all alone in this universe now."

Williams gave a brief salute to the Commander and headed towards the sleeping pods.

Shepard stood up and moved towards the recycling area, thinking about the Chief's unexpected words.

_She's not the only one who is all alone in this universe_, Sulien thought, tossing her own coffee dregs away.

Shepard avoided Liara for the next few days, spending her time on the command deck or in her quarters, writing reports and running system inspections. She wanted to know everything about the _Normandy_. But eventually she found herself at the med bay again. Dr. Chakwas just nodded towards the back door when she saw the Commander.

She went into the room and Liara was exactly where she had been that night, bent over her console, busy at work. It wasn't until the asari turned around that Sulien saw that she had been crying and was exhausted. Liara didn't stand, as was her usual habit. Instead, she eyed the Commander wearily.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" she asked politely.

"I have come to apologise…" Shepard began.

"I believe you already have," Liara interrupted.

Taking a deep breath, Sulien continued. "I have come to apologise for my insensitivity, and…"

Liara watched her groping for words, wondering what the woman would say.

"And…for my lack of heart," Shepard eventually finished, echoing the Chief's words from the other night. "I never meant to make light of your loss." She took a deep breath. "I know your pain only too well." Shepard stopped suddenly, surprised by her admission.

Liara looked at Sulien. "It is all right, Commander, you have nothing to apologise for." The asari stood up and went and to stand in front of the Commander. "I understand that you had no choice. I knew when we went on that mission that you would have to kill my mother. In the end, even my mother knew that you had to kill her."

She smiled up at Sulien. "I will remember my mother as she was, and not for what she became. Please forgive my earlier words. They were said in grief."

"You don't hate and despise me?" Sulien asked softly.

"No, Commander, I do not," replied Liara just as softly. "I could never despise, let alone hate you."

Sulien stood there, staring at the floor, overwhelmed by Liara's forgiveness. Liara tentatively reached out with her hand and cupped the Spectre's face. Looking at Sulien, she repeated, "I could never hate you."

In Sulien's mind, that was the start of it.

Something changed inside her. She began to feel a little again. She allowed herself to get to know the crew more, and even began to call some of them friends. For the first time in a very long time, Sulien Shepard was happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Liara had heard that the Commander was back on board. The rumour mill around the ship had it that Shepard had been grounded and that the _Normandy_ was in lockdown.

"She'll be none too happy about that," Liara said to herself.

"Damn straight," came a reply to her right. "More than likely she's chewing the leather off her boots right about now."

Liara looked up. Chief Williams was standing beside her.

"Chief," Liara said, startled. "I didn't hear you come in." She had never liked the woman's ability to sneak up on her.

Williams smirked. "Sorry if I gave you a start, Doctor," she said, not sounding sorry at all.

The Chief prided herself on her ability to catch people unawares and Liara was her favourite. She always managed to have this startled look on her face, as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't.

_Like the Commander,_ Williams thought to herself.

Noticing the self-satisfied smirk on her face, Liara stood up. Unlike Shepard, Ashley was roughly the same height as Liara — but that was where the similarities ended. All that aside, the asari counted the young marine among her friends. She just wished that she would stop sneaking up on her.

"What do you mean, chewing the leather off her own boots?" Human expressions always confused her, and Ashley had a ton of them, which she used to colour her speech — when she couldn't find an acceptable swear word, that was.

"I don't think Sulien —" she coloured at her use of the Commander's name, "— would eat her own footwear, no matter how dire the situation."

"Sulien, eh?" the Chief arched her eyebrow at Liara. "Bit informal," she commented. "Anyways, it's a turn of phrase. Basically, Doctor, the Commander is furious. Everyone is avoiding her."

"Where is she, Chief?" Liara asked, concerned about Shepard.

"Sitting on the deck on the second floor, in front of her locker." Ashley looked at Liara, noting the concern in her eyes. "We — and by that I mean _me_," she corrected when Liara gave her a strange look, "were wondering if you'd go talk to her."

"Why me?" Liara asked.

Williams looked at her. "Liara, I _know_ there's something going on between the two of you."

"How?" Liara was genuinely confused. _She_ wasn't even sure if there was something going on between them.

"Call it woman's intuition," Ashley replied easily. "Besides, you just called her Sulien. Nobody else aboard does that. Look," she said, sighing, "the Commander will just order me to get lost and I'll have to obey, whereas you can tell her to go stuff herself and make her talk." Ashley smiled, pleased with her plan.

"So, you are sending me to go 'tame the savage beast,'" Liara said, using one of the Commander's favourite sayings.

"Exactly, Doc. Exactly," Williams replied, patting the young asari on the shoulder.

Liara couldn't disagree with the plan. The Chief was right; she was the only person aboard the vessel now whom Shepard would listen to. She was actually the only person who would approach the Commander in her current humour. Sulien Shepard's temper was well known throughout the fleet, almost overshadowing her status as Hero of the Blitz, although it was Liara's private opinion that the two were not necessarily separate entities. Shepard got angry because people stood around staring at her instead of doing what she told them. Liara had never voiced this to anyone, let alone Shepard herself.

"Very well, Chief," she said making a move towards the door. "I will go speak with her."

Williams watched as the asari left the room. _Strange pair,_ she mused.

She had in the beginning found the Commander to be somewhat aloof. Ashley wasn't used to that. On her previous posting, her CO had always been accessible and jovial. Capable soldiers, all of them, just more human than Shepard. She had found Shepard difficult to relate to and their conversations had been stilted and awkward. Of course, there was Shepard's reputation to contend with. What did one say to the Hero of the Blitz anyway? Williams supposed that she had been a bit star-struck and to be honest, she was a little overwhelmed to find herself on the _Normandy_ with the first human Spectre fighting to save the galaxy, especially since six months ago she had been minding cargo transports for civilians.

But as time went on, she got to know the Commander a little better…and reading her personnel files had helped. She smiled a little at that. Alenko had nearly lost the plot when he found out. He threatened to write her up _and_ tell the Commander. Williams had had to do a lot of smooth talking that day to calm him down. For days afterward she caught him frowning at her.

Williams appreciated the Commander's fighting style and the way she looked out for her team. She also began to realise that Shepard didn't want hero worship from her crew — she wanted soldiers ready to carry out her orders. Eventually Ashley realised that the woman was lonely and wanted friends. Gradually their conversations became less stilted and awkward, and Ashley discovered that the Commander had a huge amount of knowledge about weapons and armour and the two women spent many an hour arguing over the best way to upgrade their weaponry. Shepard never spoke about herself, but she did ask Ashley about her family. When she heard that her grandfather was General Williams, she didn't go all cold and formal with her like her previous COs. She had just said that everyone had to do what they had to do and that she respected her grandfather for his actions. He was in an impossible situation and he did a honourable thing.

It was at that moment that Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams vowed that she would follow Commander Sulien Shepard to the gates of hell if she asked her to.

Liara stepped into the elevator leading to the second deck. She knew exactly what Shepard was doing — looking for something to distract herself with. Sulien Shepard had spent her whole life looking for something to distract herself so that she wouldn't have to deal with the real issues.

_And so far_, Liara thought, _she has done an excellent job._

Liara knew a lot about the Spectre's life, both from talking with her and from the Chief. With a little persuasion, she had been able to plant the idea of reading the Commander's personnel files in Chief Williams' head, and of course Williams had thought it her idea. But that was neither here nor there — Liara wasn't very proud of the fact that she had influenced the Chief in such a manner. Neither had Lt. Alenko, for that matter. Liara had overheard him speaking quite sternly to the Chief once he found out, threatening her with disciplinary action. Liara had to speak to him alone later that day and explain that it had been all her idea. Lt. Alenko hadn't been impressed, but he had let the matter drop…although Liara did catch him scowling at her on a regular basis after that.

Liara watched from the open elevator as the Commander drummed her fingers off the bulkhead. That was one thing that drove Liara mad and Shepard did it constantly. To make it worse, Shepard beat off-tempo, not quite keeping rhythm. It set Liara's nerves on edge. When she called Shepard on it, the Commander would stop, apologise, stretch out her long fingers and make a tight fist to stop her from moving her fingers. Their conversation would move on and Shepard would unconsciously begin doing it again. Liara had given up on trying to make her stop; she just accepted it as one of Shepard's quirks. She had even noticed Shepard doing it in the middle of battle, drumming her fingers against her armour or the butt of her assault rifle.

She remembered the first time that she had really noticed. It had been after Virmire, after Lt. Alenko's death.

That had hit Shepard pretty hard. After that mission at the de-briefing, Liara had to almost physically put herself between the Chief and the Commander. She had to divert the conversation back to the mission at hand and away from their grief and guilt, so she had talked about the cipher and asked Shepard about her contact with the second beacon. Shepard had been abrupt and snappish in her answers to the young asari and for one minute Liara thought that she was going to refuse to let her join her mind with hers. She could see the indecision in the Commander's eyes and Liara had done her best to reassure her, all the time pleading with her own eyes for the Commander to trust her. Eventually the Commander had agreed and the meld had both physically and emotionally drained them both. The Commander carried around so much pain and anger inside. Even with just her surface melding, that pain had seeped through and Liara could feel it.

_And now she blames herself for Lt. Alenko,_ she had thought sadly to herself.

Liara could also sense something else — another emotion, almost a strong as the pain and guilt. That emotion was love and it frightened the Commander. That had startled the young asari; the Commander loved her and was afraid that if she showed her feelings that she would lose her.

_She's afraid of me. Humans are so strange,_ Liara thought.

Liara had ended the mind link and looked with fresh eyes at the Commander. They both gazed at each other, the Commander acknowledging what the other had seen. Then the Commander broke eye contact with her and dismissed the team. Shepard had been the first to leave the briefing room, followed swiftly by the Chief.

Garrus stood up and looked at Liara. "They are going to kill each other," he commented. "You _are_ aware of that?"

Curious, Liara looked at the turian. "What do you mean, Garrus?"

"Look at the two of them. They're both blaming themselves. The Chief thinks _she_ should have been the one to die."

Even though she was aware of the Commander's emotions, Liara was alarmed. She didn't know the Chief as well as the Commander, but she suspected that they were cut from the same mould.

"I must go, Garrus. Please excuse me," she said hurriedly as she practically ran out of the briefing room in the direction of the Commander's quarters.

Garrus watched in amazement. He would never understand females. At that moment, he missed Wrex.

Reaching the door, Liara paused. What was she going to do? She keyed the door chime, but there was no answer.

_The Commander has an open door policy. I suppose I could just go in,_ she thought.

Decision made, she opened the door and went into the Commander's quarters. They were sparsely decorated in the typical manner of a soldier, empty and devoid of warmth.

_The quarters of someone who doesn't expect to be here long_, Liara thought sadly.

It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the low level of lighting in the room. She saw the Commander sitting on the bed, holding Ashley Williams in her arms. The Chief was crying her heart out and the Commander was just letting her. Shepard looked up, sensing another presence in the room. Seeing that it was Liara, she smiled sadly and shook her head. Liara nodded and left the two alone.

Liara was dealing with her own demons with regards to Lt. Alenko. He had been (at least in Liara's mind) her main rival for Shepard's affections. The two had never been close and always regarded each other with suspicion.

Once, she had watched the Lieutenant and the Commander while they were deep in conversation. She had seen the way Shepard laughed lightly at something he had said, touching his arm in the process. Liara had been so jealous.

Jealousy was not something she was used to, and the emotion completely caught her by surprise. But as soon as she saw the Commander pat Alenko on the arm, promising him that they would talk later, her blood boiled.

She saw the way that Alenko watched the Commander go and she had marched right up to him.

"Lt. Alenko, may I ask what it was you and the Commander were discussing?" she asked, a hard edge to her voice.

Alenko had been taken aback by the vehemence in Liara's voice. Normally, Liara was reserved and soft spoken. But apparently when it came to Shepard, the gloves were off.

"We were discussing the last mission, Dr." he replied mildly, a little annoyed at Liara's tone.

"You are lying to me," her voice rising a little, " you can not look me straight in the eye as you speak to me" she said angrily.

It was true. Liara was very good at reading people; it was a trait, which she had picked up from her mother. When she was younger, she used to sit in on her mother's meetings, after which Benezia would ask her what she thought of the others who had been present. Liara had learned very quickly to pick out those who were less than truthful.

Kaidan was beginning to get more than a little angry at this line of questioning.

"You know what,_ Liara_," he said lowering his voice to a bare whisper, " it's none of your business, what the Commander and I were just discussing," the asari was mere inches from his face, " Now go away and let me get on with my duties," he said raising his own voice.

_He loves Shepard, _she thought, _it's so obvious,_ a second thought occurred to her, _what if she loves him back._

Further enraged at this thought, she had sought Shepard in her quarters. Without even knocking, she barged into the Commanders quarters. Barely even registering what Shepard was doing, she launched her verbal attack.

"What in the name of the Goddess are you playing at, Shepard?" she demanded.

Shepard had been lying on her bunk when Liara had entered. Sitting up on the side of the bed she looked at the asari.

"What is the meaning of this," she demanded, "you can't just barge in here and speak to me like this," she gestured her hand around the room, " these are my private quarters, how dare you!"

Shepard stood up and made to grab Liara and escort her out, but Liara shook off the Commanders hand.

"How dare I," Liara yelled, " how dare I," she repeated, a little louder, " when it is you who is making a fool out of me"

Shepard was getting really angry with the woman in front of her, she could feel her control slipping. She clinched her fist tightly together in an attempt to still herself and control her rising anger.

Liara was physically shaking; such was her anger at Shepard.

" You string me along, make me think that you and I have a chance and all along you were doing the same thing with Alenko" she said the anger and pain apparent in her shaking voice, " you have made a fool out of me"

Liara could sense the rage building within the woman in front of her.

"You toy with my emotions," she continued, her words cutting to the very core of Shepard's being,

"I am not here for you and _Alenko's_ amusement, Commander"

Shepard could here the jealously in Liara's voice when she said Alenko's name. Liara continued to verbally assault the Commander.

"Or is it, a case of you are playing both sides of the fence, seeing which of us will bite first."

That was it; the Commander couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed the asari's shoulders with her hands and shook her violently.

"Is that what you think?" she yelled into her face. "Is it?" she demanded shaking her again.

Seeing the frightened look on Liara's face, all the anger went out of Sulien. She just looked at Liara.

"Is that what you really think?" she asked again, more calmly.

Liara looked into her green eyes, she could see the hurt and pain in them.

_Hurt and pain, which I have caused,_ she thought. Liara felt her own anger fade as she watched Sulien, _by the Goddess, what am I doing? _She asked herself.

She put her hand on Shepard's, firstly in an attempt to calm the other woman and secondly in an attempt to reassure herself.

"I just saw you with the Lieutenant outside and something just snapped within me" she replied

"There is nothing between the Lt and I," Shepard said plainly, "he is a L2, just as I am" she explained, " I was asking him what he took for his headaches"

"Why did he not tell me this?" Liara asked, her own anger subsiding further.

Shepard looked at Liara, "maybe because it was none of your business" she said a little of the anger she had felt returning.

Liara hung her head, suddenly ashamed of what she had done.

"I am sorry for my outburst, Commander," she paused, never taking her eyes from the deck, " I do not know what came over me" she mumbled.

Shepard could still feel the blood roaring in her ears and her heart hammering against her chest, but her anger was gone, replaced by a deep regret. Tentatively she placed her arms around the woman in front of her, not quiet sure what she was doing and feeling more than a little self-conscious, she patted the other woman gently on the back. Liara leaned in against the other woman placing her head upon her Shepard's shoulder.

"Forgive me Sulien," she whispered.

Shepard tightened her grip around the other woman and pulled her closer.

_What am I doing,_ her mind screamed, but she couldn't help herself, she longed to be close to the asari, _you can't do this, your the Commander, these people rely on you, don't do this,_ she thought frantically.

She laid her head on top of the asari's.

"It is I who should ask forgiveness," she said quietly, " I did not mean to make you feel this way, nor did I mean to lose my temper"

It had been many years since Shepard had lost her control in such a manner; she hadn't become so openly angry since she joined the alliance.

_She gets past all my defences_, she thought, _see right past my facade. _

She inhaled deeply; breathing in the asari's sent, relishing the feel of the other woman against her.

_She brings out the best and the worst in me._

She held Liara at arms length from her and looked at her critically.

"Have I injured you?" Shepard asked, the worry plainly evident in her voice.

Liara shook her head and she smiled at little.

"No, I am well, we asari are a lot tougher than we look," again she looked at the deck, "I did not mean to make you so angry"

"The fault is mine, I should have more control" the Commander replied, " there is no excuse for my behaviour and I cannot apologise enough," Shepard took a deep breath, "I will understand if you want to report me"

Liara laughed at this, "report you," she said, " how would I go about that," she asked, " excuse me Admiral," she began adopting her most officious voice, " but I would like to lay a charge against Commander Shepard, you see Sir," she continued, " I went to her quarters in a jealous rage, accused her of breaking regulations and having a relationship with one of her senior officers, I then proceeded to verbally abuse and yell at her, despite her attempt to remove me from her quarters, oh did I mention that I barged in while she was resting?" she looked at Shepard and was pleased to see the slight smirk on her face, " are you sure that it is not you who wants to report me?" she finished.

Shepard shook her head, " you never answered my question," was all she said.

Liara looked confused and then she remembered.

_Is that what I think?_

She remembered the look of anger on Shepard's face as she had yelled the question at her.

_They must of heard us arguing all the way up on the command deck_, she thought absentmindly.

"Well?" Shepard asked somewhat fearfully.

Liara looked closely at the other woman, she could see the hesitation in her eyes.

_She doesn't really want to know the answer, she's afraid. How can such an intelligent woman be so blind, _she asked herself, _the same way you can, _she answered herself.

"I think that is something of a rhetorical question now, don't you Commander?" she replied lightly.

Liara saw the surprise in Shepard's' eyes at her response and she saw the half smile which the Commander gave her.

Liara wrapped her arms around Shepard and pulled her close, squeezing her into a hug. Somewhat surprised with the sudden gesture, Shepard awkardly returned the embrace. Several minutes passed, as the two stood like this, each wrapped in the others arms in the half-light of the Commanders quarters.

Finally, Shepard broke the embrace and took a step away from the asari.

_Why did I let her do that? Why did I respond? I am leading her on. I can't do this, _she thought frantically.

"I should let you go," she said, "I'm sure your very busy," Shepard took another step back, putting space between herself and Liara.

Liara watched the Commander retreat both mentally and physically.

_Ah, two steps forward, three steps back,_ she thought, but she honoured the Commanders decision and was aware that Shepard was giving her an opportunity to leave without a being dismissed.

Liara nodded, " as must you be" she inclined her head towards the Commander, " again my apologies for my behaviour" and she left the CO quarters.

Liara had seen Lt. Alenko as she had exited the Commander's quarters, tired and emotionally drained. She couldn't bring herself to speak to him. After that, there never seemed to be the right time, they were always so busy, racing around the galaxy from one planet to another, defying the odds again and again. But Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was dead now and she never got the chance to say she was sorry.

Now, watching Sulien by the lockers, she wondered if the drumming was something, which she had started since Virmire.

"What am I going to say to her?" she asked the empty elevator.

Admittedly, she wasn't looking forward to this exchange with the Commander. She had seen Sulien angry. She remembered that day that Shepard had rescued her from Therum — her voice when she refused to hand Liara over and the coldness in her eyes as she faced off against the Krogan. She had shot him straight between the eyes with her pistol. The man didn't even have time to activate his shields. The whole building began to fall around them and they began the crazy, heart-stopping rush to get out before it became their grave.

Liara had begun to lag behind, weakened by her enforced incarceration, but a hand grabbed hers and pulled her along with force and determination. It wasn't until they had cleared the ruins that she had realised that it had been the Commander. That same Commander who was now sitting by her locker staring into space.

Stepping out of the elevator, she was walked towards the woman who was the centre of her world. The Commander was dejectedly slumped against her locker.

_I wonder what's she's thinking,_ Liara thought, as she saw a faint smile ghost across Shepard's face.

She watched, fascinated, as Shepard absently ran her hand along the faint scar on her jaw line. Liara had noticed that she did that when she was thinking.

Once, during one of their many conversations, Liara had asked her how she had gotten that particular scar. She already had a fair enough idea, but she was curious to hear what the Commander would say. When Liara asked, Sulien had looked at her very closely. Her eyes took on a dark look and she had asked Liara if she really wanted to know.

"These are not scars from some childhood accident, Liara," Shepard had said.

"Please, Commander, I have told you many things about my life and yet I know nothing of yours," Liara replied quietly.

"My past is not something which makes for easy listening," the Commander said. "My life has not been easy or blessed like yours." She looked at the asari and seemed to make a decision. "Very well, I shall tell you," she decided. "But you can't speak of it. This is very personal and I haven't told anyone."

Liara nodded, aware of the amount of trust that the other woman was putting in her and amazed that the other woman would honour her so. "You have my solemn vow, Commander."

"Thank you." She sat down on an empty space on Liara's desk and folded her arms across her chest. "I am, as most people know, a survivor of the slavers' raid on Mindor. I hid when they came. I was fifteen years old, but just a child in many ways. I had no knowledge of weapons or fighting, so when my father told me to hide, I did."

She was watching Liara to see what her reaction would be. Liara just nodded, urging her to continue.

"I honestly didn't believe that any harm would come to us, that we would be safe and that my father would protect us." The Commander shook her head at the memory. "I was very young back then. I sometimes wonder if I'm the same person. Anyway, that notion was short-lived. They murdered both my parents…my father right in front of me."

"They didn't know you were there, did they?" Liara asked quietly.

"No," Shepard replied. "I hid under the bookcase in my father's office like I did when I was a kid. They stabbed my father through the heart. He fell right in front of the case. I was the last person he saw before he died. There was so much blood," she said, "it pooled underneath the case."

Sulien cleared her throat before continuing. "Ironically, it was because of the way my father had fallen that they didn't find me. They thrashed the place and took everything of value. I could hear them outside, rounding up my neighbours and taking them away, shooting some in the process. And all the time, they laughed while they did it."

She paused and looked at Liara.

"Please go on," was all she said, sensing that there was a lot more to the story.

"I spent three days under that bookcase. Three days in my father's blood, looking at his cold dead face. It was hell. Then the Alliance arrived and found me. They took me back to their ship and cleaned me up. I don't remember much, to be honest." Shepard shook her head. "Guess I was shell-shocked."

She laughed a little at this, the notion of her being shell-shocked seemed to amuse her.

"Anyway, they found out that I had an aunt on Earth, so they sent me to live with her. She was my mother's sister. I had never met her. She and my mother had a falling out several years before I was born and the two hadn't spoken since. So there I was, on Earth with a woman I didn't know and who hated me."

"How did you know she hated you, Commander?" Liara asked.

Shepard smiled. "She told me, Liara. She said I was nothing but a waste of space and that it would have been better for everyone, especially her, if I had just died on Mindor."

"How cruel to say that to a child…"

"Maybe she was right," the Commander said. "I was tough-going, damaged by what had happened, driven crazy by grief and guilt. I got into trouble constantly, always fighting, getting suspended from school, in trouble with the police…"

Liara tried to imagine the Commander like this but couldn't.

"Eventually, she threw me out. I was sixteen, and it had been about five months since Mindor. My life was chaos. I joined a street gang and fought other street gangs. I got involved with everything — I stole, I beat people up, did drugs…you name it, I did it. I've got a criminal record as long as my arm."

Liara was speechless; she couldn't imagine this woman behaving in such a manner. Shepard seemed to sense what Liara was thinking.

"Grief can drive people crazy, Liara," she explained. "It was about two months later that everything finally came to a head. One day, our gang was out looking for stuff. We were running low and we had no money, so we decided to knock off some of the rich folk."

"Stuff?" Liara enquired.

"Drugs," Shepard explained.

"You took _drugs_?" This had not been in her personnel files.

"Yes, I'm ashamed to say. I was so messed up at the time and I hurt so much. The drugs…they helped ease the pain, made me feel better, helped me sleep. They just made the day easier and the night shorter."

She looked closely at the asari. "I told you this wasn't a pleasant story. I'm not the person people think I am. I'm damaged and I've done some stupid things in my life, things which I'll regret to my dying day."

The asari nodded. "Yes…but Commander, these are the things which have made you the person you are today." She looked over and smiled at the Commander. "Please continue. I am curious to hear how the story ends."

"As I said, we were out looking for stuff, and we spotted this guy. He was hanging around on one of the street corners, well off the main street away from the crowds. Easy pickings, or so we thought." She shook her head at the memory. "We were idiots. One look at the guy should have told us to leave him alone, but we attacked him with whatever we could put our hands on — sticks, tyre irons, chains…anything, really."

She looked again at Liara, and Liara noticed tears in her eyes. This was not easy for the Commander to relate. "By God, could that guy fight! He killed two of us in the first two seconds, knocked another guy unconscious and then there was only me. I was wild with rage, furious that this man could hurt my friends in such a manner and…something just snapped.

"I threw myself at him, biting, gouging, punching, and kicking him in my rage. He picked me up by the throat, held me inches from his face and spat at me. He called me a hellcat, and then he drew his knife from his pocket and held it in front of my face. He told me that he was going to kill me. It was in that moment that I realised that I didn't want to die. I started to cry hysterically — all the rage, grief and pain just poured out of me, and that bastard just laughed and squeezed my throat with his hand. He ran the flat of the blade along my face and kissed me. 'Goodbye, little hellcat,' he said, and then he sliced the blade under my jaw."

Shepard ran her finger along her neck to show where. "I ended up kicking him in the groin and he dropped me…but not before he gave me this," she said, tracing the scar on her jaw line. "I was terrified. I ran and ran, I didn't know where I was going, but when I stopped, I was standing outside an Alliance recruiting office. The Alliance had saved me once before, maybe they could save me again."

Liara was shocked. She had never in her wildest of imaginings imagined something like this. She reached out and touched the scar on the Spectre's face.

"It is a badge of honour, Commander," she said to the silent Spectre. "A testament to your strength and your inextinguishable will to live."

"Thank you, Liara," Shepard said solemnly. "Thank you for listening. I've never told anybody the whole story before. Thank you for not judging."

Liara nodded and moved a step closer to the Commander; the Commander did not pull away. "Has the Alliance saved you, Sulien?" she asked quietly. "Or have they just added to your burden?"

The use of her first name caused the Commander to look up. She did not answer Liara, just looked at her and shook her head. "I do my duty. This is my life. I do what I must."

"And _I_ do what _I_ must," Liara said quietly. And with that, she leaned in and kissed the Commander lightly on the lips.

Sulien pulled away, startled. "I must go, Liara. I have duties to perform." And the Commander quickly left the room.

Liara watched her go, amused.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Quiet as they were, Shepard had heard the doors of the elevator open. Just as she knew the footsteps of the person approaching her, she knew every inch and sound this ship made. She didn't bother to look up — she knew it was Liara.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Looking for you," came the reply.

Liara looked down at the Commander and it occurred to her that this was the first time she had ever stood taller than Shepard. Sighing, she lowered herself to the floor and sat beside Sulien.

"Looks like you found me," Shepard said dejectedly.

Liara just shrugged. _What an odd thing to say,_ she thought.

Out of the corner of her eye, Shepard considered Liara. _She has beautiful eyes_, she thought, _a person could get lost in them_.

Liara rested her head against the locker behind her, exposing her long neck. Shepard continued to eye her guardedly, allowing her eyes to wonder the length of her body.She noted the curves of her breasts underneath her uniform. _Nice body, too, for a scientist. And what a mind. She's easily the most intelligent person I know._

The Commander looked at her hands. _I love her,_ she said to herself,_ and she knows it too. But what can I offer her? Danger, death and pain? These are your gifts for the woman you proclaim to love?_

_Shh, _a part of her brain said. _You are past that._

The two women sat in silence, neither sure what to say to the other. Shepard slipped back into her memories of past conversations that she had with the woman beside her. She ran her hand once again along the scar on her chin.

_She said…this is a testament to my will to live. I never thought of it like that._

She remembered how she had felt after that particular conversation. It had cumulated in Liara kissing her and her running out of the room, muttering something about duties. On her way out she had run into Ashley.

"Geez, Skipper, where's the fire?" Williams said, as the Commander nearly collided with her. She accidentally knocked the data pad that Williams was carrying out of her hand.

"What, Chief?" the Commander had demanded as she bent to pick up the object. She glanced at it as she handed it back to her. It was some data on the Protheans.

Williams saw the Commander looking at it. As she took it back from her, she said, "It's just some stuff that I've been collecting on the side while we were on various planets. Stuff about the Protheans and the Geth. Thought Liara would like to have a look." She put the data pad into a pocket of her combats. "So what's the rush? You were running like a scalded cat there."

"No rush, Chief," Shepard replied, wondering why she was explaining herself to the marine.

By rights, she should just tell the Chief that it was none of her business and that she should carry on. That's what she should have done. But her relationship with the crew had changed over the past few months. Shepard had gone from feared leader to trusted companion. She had reached out and they had reached back, and now she considered the young woman in front of her a friend. One did not snap at a friend. At least she didn't think one did. She wasn't very practiced in this friendship thing.

"I just have a few things to do around the ship before we reach the Citadel."

Williams had a sceptical look on her face. "Really," she smirked. "You and Liara have an argument?" she asked nonchalantly, putting the data pad in her pocket.

Shepard watched her. _Can I trust her? _She wondered. _Am I _able_ to trust her?_

Watching the internal battle play out on Shepard's face, Williams decided to put the Commander out of her misery.

"It's okay, Skipper," she said kindly. "You don't have to tell me." She smiled at the relief on Sulien's face. "Besides, I think I already know." She winked at the Commander.

Shepard shook her head. "What? How? I was talking to her and…" She stopped, unsure of herself.

"And what, Skipper?" Ashley asked kindly.

"Not a word to any living soul…"

"She kissed you, didn't she?" Ashley interrupted, looking closely at the Commander.

"Yeah," Shepard replied quietly.

"And you didn't know what to do?"

Shepard nodded.

"So you ran."

Again, Shepard nodded.

"Liara reached out and you freaked." Ashley shook her head. "You know, Commander, someday you're going to have to take a risk," she said.

"I take risks every day, Ashley."

"No, Commander," she said. "You don't. You have to take risks that _matter_, risks for yourself — solely for yourself. Not for the mission, not for the Citadel or humanity, but for yourself." Ashley looked at the other woman. "You deserve happiness, Commander. Everyone does. Try it."

Ashley smiled at the Commander. "Now, if you excuse me, ma'am, I have an errand to run."

Something occurred to Shepard as the Chief walked away. "Chief, how did you know?"

The Chief turned back and smirked at the Commander. "Because you have lipstick on your face." She saluted and walked away, laughing quietly to herself.

Shepard wiped her face furiously with the back of her hand. She always found it strange that the Chief saluted her right after she told her superior officer exactly what she thought. It was kind of like the Chief's way of saying "with all due respect."

Later that week, Shepard had gone to see Liara. The doctor looked up from her work as the Commander came into the room.

"Good afternoon," she said to her as the Commander leaned against the desk, as was her custom when they were talking. "Is something the matter, Commander?" she asked after noting the other's quietness. "You normally don't come by until the end of your shift, which isn't for another…" She looked at the chronometer on her desk. "…Three hours."

Liara was watching the other woman carefully. _She looks like someone who has something to say and doesn't know how to,_ she thought, as the other woman fidgeted, folding and unfolding her arms. _Please stop, be calm, and just say what it is you have to say._

As if Shepard had heard what the other woman was thinking, she turned her gaze to her and clasped her arms behind her back.

_At ease, _Liara thought to herself. She had been around the crew long enough now to spot these little quirks that they had as a result of their training. _When under pressure, always remember your training. So I wonder what's bothering her?_

"Liara, we have to talk," Shepard began.

Liara looked at her attentively. "Of course, Commander. I'm all ears."

Shepard smiled as she heard one of Ashley's sayings. "About this…_situation_ we have here," she said, waving her hand between the two of them.

"Situation, Commander?" Liara said slightly confused.

"Yes, you and me," she elaborated. "It can't happen."

Liara was a little taken aback by this.

"I wouldn't be good for you," Shepard continued. "My life is crazy, always has been. My life isn't my own, never has been. I can't let this happen."

With that, Shepard stood up to leave.

"And what about _me_, Sulien?" Liara said quietly. "This is not your decision alone to make. Do I have any say in this matter?"

"Unfortunately, no, Liara."

"That's not good enough, Sulien. You said we needed to talk, but the only one talking here is you." She looked at the Commander. "Sit down, and let's talk," she said softly, fully aware of what the Commander was trying to do. _Oh no, you don't. You're not going to run away this time._

Shepard looked at Liara and didn't know what to do. She wasn't used to being called on her decisions like this. People usually did exactly what she said when she said and that was that. Now here was this _woman, _questioning her. She could feel the panic rising in her chest. She was afraid of losing control of the situation. Her choices were simple — she could either walk out of the room or she could sit.

Liara watched her curiously, wondering what she was going to do. She was fully aware of the Commander's need for control. _Comes with the territory, I guess,_ she mused. _Still, we are going to talk about this._

"Please sit down, Commander," she repeated, using Shepard's rank to give the woman back some of her confidence. "This won't take but a moment of your time and then you can return to your duties."

She gestured towards the desk._ Please sit, Sulien, _she prayed. _At least give us a chance…_

_Sit, Shepard! _Sulien commanded herself. The Commander settled back down onto the desk and folded her hands across her chest.

Liara mentally laughed at her defensive position, but Shepard just looked at the asari, waiting for her to begin.

Sensing Shepard's unease, Liara sighed. _Coiled like a spring. If she unwinds, she'll fall apart._ She absently rubbed the bridge of her nose.

_She does that when she's stressed or uncomfortable,_ Shepard thought to herself. She took some solace in the fact that this was as hard for Liara as it was for her.

"Look," the Commander said. "You're really nice…"

Liara started laughing.

"_What?_" Shepard demanded.

"Nothing, Sulien. Nothing at all. Please continue."

Shepard frowned. "Look, I don't know what's going on here with us, Liara," she began_. Be honest, _she told herself. _She deserves that much_. "I can't get you out of my head."

Liara smiled at these words. "And I can't get you out of mine," she returned.

"My life, Liara, is one of danger and death. I couldn't ask you to share that with me. It wouldn't be fair."

Liara was listening to her closely, nodding slowly at her every word.

"I, myself, am damaged. I've known nothing — I _know_ nothing," she corrected herself as she paused for breath, "except how to kill. Where I go, death follows. I…I don't know how to love you," she admitted.

Liara listened to Shepard as she spoke. _If only you could see what others see when they look at you,_ she thought._ If only you could see what I see._

Liara stood in front of the dejected Commander. "And that is why we can't be together?" she asked. "Because you are afraid?"

"You could get killed. I could get killed," the Commander said.

"Yes," Liara replied, "but we shall die anyway. That is the great constant of the universe." She wanted to reach out a take the other woman's hand and make her look at her as she attempted to explain her feelings, but Liara suspected that would be enough to send Shepard running for the door. The atmosphere in the small room was tense, each woman unsure of what they were dealing with.

Liara looked hard at the other woman. _She's afraid. She's lost so much. She's frightened of what could happen if she lets herself love._

"Sulien," she said, and Shepard looked at her. "You are the first person whom I have ever felt this way about."

Shepard smiled a little at her admission and the tension eased a little.

"I am inexperienced. I know none of the rituals associated with this process."

_Spoken like a true archaeologist, _Shepard thought, returning her attention back to the asari.

"I have never been with anyone, never joined…"

"What?" Shepard asked incredulously, interrupting the doctor. "You're fifty years old."

"Um, yes, give or take," Liara replied vaguely. "And in my species' eyes, barely an adult. Besides, the joining is much more than mere sex. It is a meeting of the minds, an union of souls."

"It sounds amazing," the Commander said, remembering the mind meld and how she had felt afterwards. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to experience something like this union of which Liara was speaking.

"It is…" Liara hesitated, and Shepard looked up at her. "That is why I am waiting…waiting until I am ready." Liara hesitated again. This was all so new to her that she was a little unsure of what she was saying and if she was saying it right. It was all she could do to get the next words out.

Shepard said nothing. She just looked at Liara, waiting for her to continue. "You see, Sulien, I have already found the right person."

Shepard smiled broadly then, and Liara could have cried at the sight. _She is amazing, _she thought.

_I came here today to put an end to this…relationship, _Shepard reminded herself. The Commander thought over her life, trying to find a time in it when she felt half of what she was feeling now. But there was no such time, never in her life had there been anyone whom she loved. Let alone anyone whom she loved as much as this woman in front of her.

_So what are you going to do, Shepard, walk out the door and shut out all of what you feel, or are you going to stay and see where this takes you. _She frowned at her boots and bit her lower lip as she struggled with her decision.

Liara watched Shepard fretfully; anxious as to what she was going to do. _She's going to go, _Liara concluded sadly, as she saw the Commander frown. _Duty first always, what was it she said? _Liara thought distractedly. _Oh yes, 'I do what I must do.' _

Liara thought that her heart would break as she imagined what the Commander was going to say.

Shepard looked up from the deck and straight into Liara's clear brown eyes. She saw the sadness and pain there. Instinctively she took Liara's hand in hers.

_I shouldn't do this,_ she thought. _There are a thousand reasons not to. _

She watched Liara, almost entranced by what she saw.

_And one good reason why I should, _she finally decided.

She placed her other hand over the asari's smaller one in hers and squeezed it lightly.

"I will wait for you, Liara," she said softly. "I love you," she said, softer still.

"And I you," came the relieved reply.

Shepard smiled at the memory. It was one of her favourites and she played it in her mind when she was feeling down or alone.

Liara, sensing the shift in the Commander's humour, glanced over at her. _What is she smiling at?_

"You look like a madwoman, grinning like that," she commented. Still curious, Liara asked, "What _are_ you grinning at, anyway?"

"I'm not grinning, Doctor," Shepard answered. "I am smiling at a happy memory."

Liara smiled at this too, almost certain that it involved her. After all, the Commander didn't have that many happy memories.

Liara stood up and stretched her hands above her head. Shepard really grinned then, as she appreciated the view. She watched the young asari as she lowered her hands to her sides.

"So, Commander, what are you going to do about this situation?" Liara asked in a businesslike manner.

Shepard sighed and felt her bad mood returning. She looked at Liara and saw the confidence in the asari's eyes. She could feel the trust that the young woman placed in her, and when Shepard stopped and considered the stillness around her, she could feel the confidence and trust that the crew had in her too.

_How can I let them down? _She thought to herself. _I'm their commander. They trust me and rely on me. _She looked at Liara._ She trusts me and relies on me._

"Don't worry, Liara," she said, feeling some of the old bravado slipping back into place. "We're down, but we're not out." She smiled at the young woman. "I'll think of something."

"I know you will," Liara replied, and held out her hand to pull the other woman up.

For one split second, Sulien considered not taking it. She was perfectly capable of getting up herself. But then she saw the look in Liara's eyes and she took her hand. As Liara pulled Shepard to her feet, the ship jolted and Shepard lost her footing. Liara caught her before she fell back on to the deck, encircling her arms around her waist. Shepard's hands flew to Liara's shoulders as she steadied herself. The two stood there for a moment, staring at each other, eyes locked. Liara reached up and pushed a stray piece of hair off the Commander's face. The Commander smiled at the simple gesture, feeling Liara's love for her for the first time. Never before had she felt like this.

Shepard drew Liara towards her and Liara tightened her hands around the Commander's waist. They drew closer together under there was barely a hair's breadth between them. Liara was first to break the silence.

"You are an amazing woman, Sulien Shepard," Liara said quietly as the Commander pulled her closer. "Without you, I am incomplete."

"I do what I must," the Commander replied, and leaned in to kiss Liara.

"Commander, incoming transmission from Captain Anderson," came the crackling voice of Joker over the intercom.

The two jumped apart. The moment was ruined.

"Are you _spying_ on us, Joker?" the Commander demanded angrily, looking at Liara.

"No, ma'am just heard you were aboard. Figured you'd want to hear this."

"Patch it through," she said, mouthing the word _sorry_ to Liara.


	4. Chapter 4

_Just a little chapter to get us under way and set up for the next few. I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read the first three chapters, I hope that you enjoyed them. I have the story finsihed and will be updating on a weekly basis. Any feed back good or bad would be great. Finally, and I can't believe that I forgot to include this at the start of the story, I would like to thank my beta readers, Airen and Lilliwyn for their time and patience._

Chapter 4

Shepard stood just outside Flux, she hated that place, with its bright lights and noise. But she could see the sense in Captain Anderson choosing it, nobody would take any notice of them, what else would a grounded Commander do, but get drunk, she thought, very few people knew that she didn't drink.

As she walked towards the doors of the club, she could feel the music vibrating through the floor. Williams and Garrus were with her; Garrus looked less than pleased to be going to Flux. Williams was swaying a little to the music.

As she entered Flux, she spotted the Captain sitting at a table in the centre of the room.

Spotting Shepard, he nodded towards her. Trying to blend in with the occupants of the club, she grabbed a drink off the tray of a passing waitress and casually made her way over to her former Captain. She sat down in front of the Captain,

Placing the glass in front of her, Garrus and Williams taking up position to her left and right directly behind her.

"That bastard sold us out," she said vehemently without preamble.

Anderson nodded, "That's politics for you, Shepard, a war of words." he said to the angry woman in front of him, " at least words won't kill him..." he trailed off.

Shepard looked at Anderson," Yes" she said, " but I might"

Ashley was watching the interchange with interest. She had never seen these two people together before, but she had heard that they were good friends and that Anderson looked out for the young Commander, reeling in her more brasher impulses.

" Look Shepard, I have a plan to get you off the Citadel" Anderson said.

Anderson briefly outlined his plan to get the Normandy airborne again. They agreed that he would access the unlock code from Udina's office.

"I was hoping you'd say that" he said, "Udina has made this personal" and he grinned at Shepard, who grinned back at him, pleased at the thought of Udina getting his ass kicked by the Captain.

_Or maybe not,_ Williams thought, although she was secretly pleased with the plan, it appealed to her in its simplicity.

Standing up from the table, he took the drink that Shepard had in front of her and knocked it back, wincing as it hit the back of his throat, he coughed slightly.

"Good luck Commander," he said as he left the club.

Garrus picked up the empty glass on the table and sniffed it, wincing he put it back down. Turning to the Commander, he was just about to ask a question.

"No I don't know what was in the glass," she answered before he could ask.

On their way back to the _Normandy_, she heard Williams quietly ask what was in the glass.

"Turian Whiskey" he whispered, "straight"

She could almost imagine Williams shaking her head and grinning.

Back on the Normandy, Shepard stood impatiently beside Joker, absentmindly drumming her fingers off the back of Joker's chair. Joker was in his usual place, attentively watching the board; he didn't even hear Shepard's drumming. The board lit up and Joker set the ship on course for Ilos. Shepard had once last look out the view port at the Citadel.

_Hope this is worth it_, she thought, o_r else the crew and I are in a whole lot of trouble._

She didn't really care about being trouble herself, but the crew that was a different story. She had already decided that if it came to it she was going to say that the crew knew nothing about the illegal departure and that she coerced Joker into flying the Normandy away from the Citadel.

Once the Normandy was under way, Shepard patted Joker on the back – much to the pilots delight.

"Good job, Mister" she called back to him as she left the command deck.

Shepard made her way to the mess; she was surprised to find Liara and Ashley sitting at a table, conversing about something. Shepard watched them for a minute, noting the easiness between the two of them.

_Glad to see Ashley got over her dislike of Liara, _she observed, _God Williams, I envy your confidence, _she thought as she watched the women.

Liara looked up from her conversation and saw Shepard. She smiled slightly at the Commander. Seeing the direction that Liara was looking, Ashley followed her gaze.

"Commander," they said by way of greeting.

Shepard nodded at the two in response.

Ashley watched her Commander, Liara was also watching her, still smiling slightly.

"Care to join us?" Ashley asked, "We were just talking about the mission actually"

Shepard looked at the two women, _talking about the mission.why?, there's nothing to talk about, the dye is cast, _she thought.

Liara pushed out a chair beside her. The Commander hesitated and looked at the two of them.

_How can that woman be so unsure of herself?,_ Ashley questioned herself, s_he's an amazing CO, a brilliant soldier, hell I've seen her fight her way out of situations that would have killed lesser people, I've seen her talk people around to her way of thinking,_ she remembered the situation on Virmire with Wrex, Ashley had been all but ready to put a bullet in his skull, but somehow the Commander talked him round and now he was below deck annoying Garrus, _she has this sway over people and things, hell look at me, I'm drinking coffee with an asari, _she smiled slightly to herself at this, _but yet she can't seem to handle any sort of social interaction. It's like she takes off that armour and becomes a different person._

Shepard sat down and cleared her throat softly. Underneath the table, Liara took her hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Ashley watched the two carefully, noticing how the Commander leaned ever so slightly against the asari.

"Coffee Commander?" the Chief offered, holding up the coffee pot that was between them.

Shepard shook her head and smirked when she saw the coffee, " only the best for the best, eh Chief?" she said gesturing towards the pot.

"Damn straight Skipper" the Chief replied putting it down again.

"Thanks" Shepard replied quietly.

Ashley nodded, knowing that she wasn't being thanked for the offer of coffee.

"So how do you think we'll do?" Liara asked, returning to her and Ashley's previous conversation.

"Do?" Shepard asked, " on Ilos you mean," when Liara nodded, " well we'll stop Saren of course" her tone brooked no argument, in Sulien Shepard's mind failure was not an option, " is that what you were talking about?" she asked the two.

They both nodded, Ashley at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Do you not trust me?" she asked them looking at one and then the other.

It was Ashley who answered, " trust you," she exclaimed, "Ma'am" she said, " I'm sitting on a stolen Alliance frigate with you," she looked at the other woman "I'd follow you to the gates of hell and beyond, Skipper"

_Their looking for reassurances, _she thought to herself, _their not questioning you, they're just looking for someone to tell them that it going to be all right._

Sighing she looked once again at the two, " Look, I can't promise you anything, " she began, " I can't promise you that you won't get hurt or that you won't die or that your friends won't die, or that the Brass won't court-marshal us and put us in prison or worse," sighing again, " they are things outside my control, but this I can promise you," she looked at the two women and in her eyes they saw Shepard's resolve and the strength of her convictions, " I will stop Saren, I will stop Sovereign, I will stop the Reapers and I swear to you all, everyone of you on this ship," she said gesturing with her free hand, " that I will do my damnest to make sure that no harm comes to any of you and that you are all here this time tomorrow," as she said it she felt the truth of her words, what she was saying became in her mind an oath, at the end of her speech Liara gave her hand another gentle squeeze.

_I will keep you safe, _she vowed silently to herself, as she squeezed Liara's hand back.

Ashley was watching the two of them, sensing the change in their relationship.

_I'm glad,_ she thought to herself, _maybe Liara will help steady the Commander, give her something to live for other than the next mission._

Shepard stood up and excused herself from the group. She had alot of work to do before they made planet fall. God forbid if she died and didn't have all her paperwork completed.

The two watched their Commander go into her quarters. Liara sighed softly to herself, catching Ashley's attention.

"You know," Ashley said conversationally looking at her coffee mug, " we could all be dead tomorrow" she looked at Liara to see if she caught her meaning.

" Yes, Chief I'm aware of that" came the confused reply, she really wished that humans, _this_ human in particular would just say what they meant.

Shaking her head the Chief caught the asari's eye and winked in the direction of the Commanders quarters.

" Oh right" came the short reply from Liara, as the meaning behind the Chief's words dawned on her

Ashley chuckled at her and stood up from the table.

"Good talking to you Liara," she said, " now if you'll excuse me, I have to go check on our toys for our outing," the Chief said referring to their weapons. With that she strode off towards the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5

_Ok so this chapter has F/F so if subjects of that nature offend people, please do not read. Otherwise enjoy. _

Chapter 5

Shepard sat at her console trying to work her way through the massive amount of data, which she had on the Protheans. Liara had _kindly _supplied her with her own research notes, adding as she handed them over that she had incorporated alot of Chief Williams observations into them.

_If I had known that Williams had so much free time when we were groundside I would have gotten shot a few more times to keep her busy, _she thought distractedly to herself.

Truth be told her mind wasn't on her work. She was distracted, not by the upcoming mission; Shepard already knew how that was going to end. To doubt herself now would be to put her entire team in danger. No that's not what distracted her at all. It was a certain asari.

When Liara had taken her hand under the table in the mess, it had made Sulien realise how much the other woman had really meant to her. Before all the words that she had said, she had been unsure of them, unsure of herself. She had told Liara that she had loved her but she herself hadn't been sure if she really did. Liara had kissed her and they had shared that moment by her locker, but Shepard wasn't sure if they had been driven by lust and desire or by love. When Liara had taken her hand and squeezed it, offering Sulien her support. That's when she knew that she loved Liara T'Soni with every fibre of her being.

_What to do?_ She mused, _should I go to her, if I go to her then what..._ the question danced around inside the Commanders head.

Outside in the mess, Liara was swilling around the last of her coffee. It was a beverage, which she had grown to like, although she couldn't say that she appreciated the instant type, so favoured by the majority of the crew. It was a sentiment, which the Chief understood, and the two had many a long conversation over cups of freshly brewed coffee.

_It's a beverage which the Commander seems to enjoy also,_ thinking about the Commander brought a smile to her face, _I wonder what she's doing now, _she recalled the gentle squeeze that Shepard had given her hand while she was speaking to the Chief, that more than anything conveyed the depth of her feelings to the asari.

She glanced towards the door to the Commanders quarters noticing the orange glow coming from below the door, _working more than likely,_ she thought. She imagined the Commander seated at her console, face scrunched in concentration as she worked. She smiled at that image. She looked again at the door to the Commanders quarters and then glanced around the mess.

_Should I go to her? _Liara thought, _if I do I'd be disturbing her at her work. _Liara shook her head, she of all people knew that if the Commander didn't want to see her, that Shepard would tell her so.

_Am I ready?_ She asked herself. She paused a moment to consider this, she examined her feelings for Shepard, she knew that she loved the other woman, this she had known for a very long time. With this in mind she reached her conclusion. Decision made she stood up and went towards the Commanders quarters.

Sulien Shepard was sitting at her console when she heard the door to her quarters open. She turned around slightly in her chair to see who it was.

"Commander" Liara said tentatively, taking in the sight of the young Spectre before her.

Sulien stood up and walked barefooted towards Liara, kicking her boots out of the way.

"Liara, I was just thinking about you" she smiled as she saw the other woman's face light up.

"I have been thinking about you too" she said softly, " I wish to speak to you"

Sulien looked seriously at Liara, " Please, I have an open door policy, what are your concerns" she asked earnestly.

Liara looked at Sulien, in her green eyes she could see the weight of her sorrows, _my love,_ she thought, l_et me take your burdens._

" I also have been thinking about what we face," she continued.

"Liara," Shepard interrupted, " we will not fail," she said in a misguided attempt to reassure the asari.

Liara waved her hand dismissively, " I did not come here for reassurance, Commander. I know what it is we face. Saren may have already found the Conduit and the galaxy as we know it may be gone"

Liara took a moment to compose herself before continuing.

Shepard stood there waiting for Liara to continue watching the emotions as they flickered across the asari's face.

"It's time for you and I to be completely honest with each other." Liara continued, she raised her head and locked eyes with the Commander, " Sulien, you said that you would wait for me," she paused watching for the Commanders reaction, " Did you mean this?"

Shepard reached out and took both of Liara's hands in hers.

"Yes" she said simply

Liara pulled Shepard in close to her.

"Then Commander, I am ready"

Shepard snaked her arms around Liara's waist and pulled her against her.

"Liara are you sure?" she asked, " I want this, I really do" she explained, " but I want you to be sure"

"I am sure," she said, "I have never been so sure of anything in my life" she smiled up at Shepard.

Shepard kissed her tenderly on the lips.

"I love you," she whispered softly in the asari's ear and then she kissed Liara slowly and passionately.

Liara was overwhelmed by what she was feeling; she had never experienced such tenderness from the woman in front of her. She had never seen Shepard so open with her feelings. Each kiss conveyed a magnitude of love and affection. Liara had never felt so loved or so wanted. She returned the other woman's attentions, tentatively at first but as her desire increased, more insistently, more passionately.

Shepard's hands slid down to Liara's hips, under her lab coat and under her tunic.

Feeling the other woman's hands on her bare skin caused Liara to shudder at little with desire. Shepard broke their kiss and looked deeply into the asari's eyes.

"You are wonderful" she murmured, moving her hands up to Liara's breasts, rubbing her fingers over the fabric of her bra, causing Liara's nipples to become hard.

Liara shrugged off her lab coat. Shepard smiled at the gesture.

"I'm afraid your going to have to remove more than that" Shepard said teasingly, working Liara's tunic open and pushing it off her shoulders, to join the lab jacket on the floor. She kissed her neck, revelling in the feel of the other woman's soft skin; she worked her way down to the v between Liara's ample breasts, back up to her full lips. Shepard took her bottom lip lightly between her teeth, this caused Liara to moan softly.

Desire coursed through Shepard at this. Pulling back from the other woman, she went to remove her own top. But Liara stopped her.

"No" she said softly, "Let me", mirroring the other woman's actions she took Shepard's blue crew top off. She reached her hands around the Commanders back and unhooked her bra, removing it gently and tossing it aside. She ran her hand along the Commanders firm naked body, over the scar on her left shoulder, over the bump of a long healed broken bone, down her taunt stomach, stopping at the waist band of her trousers. She looked at the Commander, who smiled gently at her.

"Let me show you something I learned at the Academy" Shepard said smiling wickedly.

With one fluid movement she pulled the asari towards her and kissed her fiercely. With one hand she held the other woman against her and with the other she undid her bra, pulling it off and tossing it to join her own on the floor with the ever increasing pile of clothes. She caressed Liara's full breast, before taking it in her mouth. Liara gasped suddenly at this. She had not expected it to be like this, she had not expected to feel so desirable. She had not expected to feel so wanted, nor had she expected to want Shepard so much. She cupped Shepard's chin with her hand and tilted her head up towards her, slowly, ever so slowly lowered her head and gave Shepard a gently kiss.

"Embrace eternity", she whispered as she joined her mind to the Spectres, her blue eyes turning a deep black as she did so.

Shepard felt Liara's mind join to hers and she was astounded at what she felt and saw.

_All that I am is yours,_ Liara thought at her, sensing the other woman's amazement, _just as all that you are is mine, this is what the Union is,_ she explained lovingly, _a joining of souls._

Shepard became aware of Liara's desire for her on a very intimate level, this only served to further enflame her own. She removed the remainder of Liara's clothing and quickly shed her own.

_What you feel I feel, _Liara thought again as her own passions heightened in response to the Spectre's.

Liara guided them over to the Commander's bed and lay Shepard gently and with the utmost care down upon it. Standing over Shepard, she lowered her body down and kissed her softly, her lips barely brushing Shepard's skin. She worked her way down the length of her naked body. Marvelling at her lover's rough beauty. Liara's attentions caused Sulien to whimper with desire. When Liara had worked her way back up and they were eye level. Shepard wrapped her arms around Liara's neck and rolled them over so that she was on top. Her hands roamed the asari's body, causing Liara to gasp.

Looking up at the asari, Shepard smiled again.

"Are you sure, you're sure?" she asked the other woman tenderly.

_I'm sure_, the other woman thought.

Shepard kissed Liara again and slowly ran her hand down the length of her body; she placed her hand between Liara's legs and using her fingers, entered her.

Liara's eyes widened at the unfamiliar sensation. Shepard slowly worked in and out of her lover, feeling the rising tide within them. Liara thrust against Shepard's movements and when they couldn't take it anymore each cried out with pleasure. Both collapsed back onto the bed, spent.

After a few minutes, Shepard propped her head up with her hand and gazed at Liara.

Liara smiled back contentedly.

After a few seconds, Shepard began to speak.

" Thank you, Liara," she said simply.

Liara nodded, somewhat confused.

Sensing her confusion the Commander continued.

"For not letting me run," she explained.

Liara reached out and tenderly stroked the Commanders face, pushing away a damp wisp of hair in the process.

" No more running Sulien," she said softly, " no more hiding." she continued, " I will be your anchor and your refuge" she promised the Spectre, "Together we will face the demons of the night"

With that Liara sat up and gently kissed the other woman sealing her vow.

Both lay back and quickly fell asleep.

A few hours later Shepard woke up. She was never one to sleep for long. She looked at the sleeping asari beside her and felt a rush of love at the sight. Liara stirred in her sleep, knocking some of the covering from her naked body. Shepard drank in the sight, remembering what it was like to make love to her. She gently reached for the cover and pulled it back up over Liara. She lightly kissed the woman's forehead, taking care not to wake her.

"Sleep well, my love," she whispered.

Shepard swung her legs out of the bed and quietly went into the washroom. Turning on her shower she silently stepped into it. Allowing the hot water to spray over her, she sighed.

"What have I done", she whispered to herself, laying her head against the frosted glass of the shower unit.

She had broken her own rule and formed an attachment, not just any attachment but one so powerful that it took her breath away and made her heart race. Now there was more than her to consider in her actions, her decisions affected Liara in a very profound way. If their union affected her in this manner, she couldn't even speculate what it meant to Liara. And up until this very moment. Sulien Shepard cared little for her own personal safety.

_Everything I do will affect her deeply, if I live, if I die, if I get injured... _she thought to the steam filled cubicle. _Why Liara, do you have this affect on me, why do I care so much, _she screamed in her head, she ran her fingers along the cool glass in front of her, remembering the young asari's smile and the light touch of her lips, the smile on her face as she said her name, and most of all Shepard recalled how Liara made her feel, _oh Christ, what have I done?_

Raising her head from the unit she reached to turn off the shower, she stepped out and caught her reflection in the glass. She looked at herself and considered herself critically, noting the scars, which Liara had traced her fingers on, _she said they were beautiful, _Shepard remembered, _she said I was beautiful,_ nobody had ever called her that before, brave, courageous, crazy, insane, yes they were words that people had used to describe her, but nobody had ever called her beautiful. _What is it about you Liara,_ she thought to her reflection, _that makes all sense leave my mind, your presence captures me and I am incapable of rational thought. You will be the death of me, but God help me, I cannot live without you anymore._ Shaking herself from her meanderings Shepard dried herself off and dressed, while doing so she reached a decision.

Silently leaving her quarters she made her way to Liara's quarters. When she was there she had a moment of hesitation.

_For the good of the mission, _she reminded herself.

Grabbing a piece of paper she sat down at Liara's desk and began to write. Sometime passed before she was finished, she read what she had written; satisfied she stuck it to the computer console. Standing up and looking around the room, she smiled to herself, before returning to her quarters.

She sat down at her desk and pulled a data pad out of the right hand pile in front of her. Reading it briefly, she nodded satisfied with the report, she pushed her thumb against it, signing it off and added it to the pile of data pads on her left hand side. She went to repeat the procedure, when she heard rustling from the bed.

_She's waking up, _Shepard thought smiling softly to herself.

She stood up and walked across the room, there she lent against a destk and crossed her arms over her chest, awaiting her lovers awakening.

Liara stretched and slowly blinked as she woke up, for a second she was completely disorientated.

_These are not my quarters,_ she thought groggily and then she remembered the previous night.

Sitting up slowly clasping the bed coverings against her naked frame, she noticed the Commander, leaning against her desk, watching her.

"Good morning, beautiful" Shepard said softly, gazing at the woman she loved.

Liara sat up a little straighter, the covering fell a little exposing her chest, Liara quickly pulled it back up.

"A little late to be shy now," she teased the blushing asari, " besides," she continued, " I was enjoying the view"

Liara grinned at Shepard, " by the Goddess that was amazing" she said commenting on their previous nights activities, as she said so, she allowed the coverings to fall a little fully aware of the affect she was having on the other woman.

"No," Shepard said watching as Liara dropped the covering, "you were, _are_ amazing," she felt her heart speed up and felt her blood rushing through her veins as she took in Liara's naked body, " ready for round two" she asked seductively as she approached the bed.

Liara grinned up at the Commander and raised her eyebrows, " think you have it in you, Shepard?" she asked teasingly.

The Commander just growled at Liara as she pulled away the bed coverings, exposing the naked asari completely, she tossed the coverings onto the floor and straddled Liara.

"Only one way to find out" Shepard replied, moving in to kiss her as Liara ran her hand up underneath her top.

"ETA at Mu relay – five minutes" Jokers voice interrupted over the intercom.

Liara sighed in frustration, while Shepard shook her head, her short hair brushing off Liara's breasts.

" God damn that man," she said balefully, " but he has the worst timing"


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm useless at writing fight scenes, no matter how many times I attempt to write this part it still comes out the same, so my apologies, but it's necessary for the overall story. I am hoping that it's something I can get to grasps with as time goes on, any suggestions etc are welcome. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read the previous chapters and an especial thanks to those who reviewed. Hope you enjoy this chapter._

Chapter 6

Shepard strode onto the bridge and nodded at the assembled personnel. Several seconds later a breathless Liara, ran onto the bridge mumbling apologies for her lateness. The Commander caught her eye and smirked at her, causing Liara to blush.

"It's ok Dr.," she said, " I'm sure you had more _pressing _matters to attend too." the commander finished somewhat sarcastically.

Shepard paused, startled by what she had just said, _this is not like me_, she thought, _I don't say things like that, in front of the crew. What the hell has gotten into me?_

Liara looked over at the Commander, seeing the Commander's alarm over what had just been said, she decided to have a little fun at the Commander's expense, she mirrored Shepard's smirk and looked at the Commander, a playful glint in her eyes.

"None more pressing than attending you..." she said.

That statement hung in the air for about thirty seconds, causing a few raised eyebrows and Ashley to cough politely.

Shepard's discomfort was obvious to everyone. Shepard herself could feel the blood rising in her cheeks; she looked around the bridge to see the various reactions of her team. Garrus and Wrex were looking at the deck, Tali was looking between the two, as if she was trying to figure out what exactly they were talking about, Joker was pointedly looking at his board and Pressley was pretending that he had not heard what was being said. Only Williams was grinning from ear to ear, delighted with the banter and the Commanders discomfort.

_Ah, poor woman_, Williams thought no one bit sympathetic to her Commander's plight; _she's bitten off more than she can chew there. _

Seeing the Commanders rising colour, the Chief finally decided to rescue her CO.

"I think, Liara, what you meant to say was, none more pressing than attending the Commanders meeting on the bridge" Williams said carefully, looking at each woman in turn a knowing smile on her face.

Liara looked around, and pretended to be confused, "Is that not what I said, Chief?" she asked innocently, "Humans, your speech is so imprecise." She shook her head in feigned innocence, "I apologise for any offence" she raised her eyes and looked over at the Commander, winking subtly in her direction.

_Like hell you do, _Ashley thought and laughed quietly.

"Ok people," Shepard said, pulling them all back to the business at hand. She looked at the large screen in front of her.

_Take control of the situation, Shepard_, she told herself, _and get a grip, _she scolded herself, _this is no time to act like a love struck teenager._

"Report," she said briskly. Commander Shepard was back and everyone shifted into business mode.

"We are in orbit around Ilos, Commander," Joker informed her, " scans of the planet surface, reveal a breathable atmosphere, the planet itself is criss crossed with Prothean ruins and over run with vegetation, no hostile indigenous life forms detected."

Nodding to Joker she asked, " and Saren"

" Saren and a large army of Geth are on the planet, according to our data they appear to be entering the largest of the ruins" Joker finished his report and nodded at his Commander.

"Right, that's were we're going, people" she said to her team, " Mr. Pressley find me a place to drop the mako" she said to the navigator behind her, " as close to Saren as possible, I don't want to spend the day tramping around the planet, while he's opening the conduit"

Several seconds passed, while Shepard waited for Pressley to report, impatiently she drummed her fingers off the bulkhead.

Liara shook her head in frustration. She could hardly ask the Commander to stop in front of the entire crew, could she?

" Commander," he said finally, " I can't find a suitable drop site, there isn't enough room" he finished.

Shepard turned to him and Pressley flinched under her glare, " try again" she commanded.

"Well" he began, " there's a drop site close to the entrance of the ruin that Saren is entering"

" That will do" Shepard said.

"But Commander," the navigator said hesitantly, " it's not big enough, we won't have enough room to drop you and the team"

Joker was looking at something on his side screen, Tali and Liara looked over his shoulder.

"That's suicide" Tali said, " you'll never make that drop"

" There must be another site, look again," Liara said frantically.

"There is no other," Pressley yelled at the asari.

Through all this commotion, Shepard remained silent, watching Joker.

_Well mister,_ she thought to herself, _what have you got to say._

"I can do it," he said quietly.

The bridge went quiet.

"Are you insane, the mako will be destroyed" Liara said, her voice close to breaking.

"I can do it," he said, this time louder and more confidently.

Shepard could feel the anxiety and fear rolling off Liara, just as she could feel her pilots' confidence in his abilities.

She felt bad for putting her through this, for causing her to be so fearful. She caught Liara's eye and saw the worry and fear in them.

_I'm sorry, my love,_ she thought, _but this is who I am, this is what I do._

As if hearing the Commanders, thoughts Liara nodded at her. Shepard saw her reigning in her emotions, locking up the fear and anxiety and becoming calm and serene once again.

_This is who she is, this is what she does,_ Liara told herself, _do not make her ashamed of you by acting like a child._

"Ok people, let's do this" she said confidently, " Chief," she said turning Williams, " make sure all weapons are loaded with anti synthetic rounds and that we have extras in the mako"

"Already done ma'am," the Chief replied briskly.

Shepard nodded, " Williams and Tali your with me," she said nodding at the two women, " the rest of you remain aboard Normandy, look to your stations and be ready" she looked at each in turn.

"Understood" she said crisply.

"Understood" they replied in unison, all except Liara.

"Meet me in five at the mako" she said to her ground team.

"Aye Ma'am" Ashley replied, dragging Tali with her off the bridge.

Shepard began to walk towards her locker, her mind on the mission. Liara walked briskly behind her.

Shepard reached her locker and keyed the biometric lock, the locker sprung open. Shepard pulled out her colossus armour and began to dress methodically.

Liara reached out and touched her arm, causing Shepard to pause in her preparations.

"Why?" she asked simply.

"Because, I'm the Commander" came the reply, " and I pick the ground teams"

"Not good enough" came the reply.

"I don't have time for this now, Liara" she said pulling on another piece of her armour.

"Your going to make time, Shepard," Liara said, " Because, this could be the last conversation you and I ever have."

Shepard tightened one of the gauntlets around her wrist and then the other; she reached into her locker and pulled out her helmet.

"I'm one of the most powerful biotic's in Citadel space, my place is on this mission, by your side" Liara continued.

"My own biotic's will suffice for this mission" the Commander replied, her tone brooking no further argument.

Reaching into her locker she pulled out the last of the back up power packs for her suit and attached them, she ran a quick diagnostic, satisfied she nodded, she went to pull on her helmet, when she caught Liara looking at her, tears in her eyes.

Sighing she put down the helmet and took the other woman in her arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "this is how it has to be" she kissed the top of her head and slowly let her go.

Not giving the asari time to argue she grabbed her helmet and headed towards the hangar deck.

Shepard reached the mako and found the others already there. Williams was pacing up and down the deck in front of the mako.

"Here you are" she said, she left out the, at last, but her tone implied it.

Shepard said nothing at the Chiefs tone, _just nerves,_ she told herself.

"Ready" she said to the assembled team.

"Ready" they replied.

They climbed into the mako, Shepard took the controls and Williams manned the turret controls, Tali stationed herself at the scanner station.

"All systems are green" Shepard reported, she keyed the intercom in her suit, " Joker, we are go for launch," she said to her pilot up in the cockpit.

"Roger that Commander," Shepard could hear the clicking of buttons over the intercom, "launching in 5... 4...3...2... launch" Joker said.

The hangar doors opened underneath them and the mako dropped through the air towards the planet below them.

"Engaging thrusters 20" Shepard said as she tapped at the controls, " increasing to 50" she continued, her eyes fixed on the read outs in front of her, " Report" she ordered her team.

"Weapons are go, Commander." Williams reported dutifully, her eyes locked on her own readouts.

"Negative hostiles at drop site, Commander" Tali reported, " Saren and his army appear to be in a rush to make it into the ruin before we hit planet side" Tali speculated.

"50 meters to ground contact," Shepard said suddenly, " everyone brace for impact"

The mako hit the ground hard and the jolt of the landing rattled the teeth of everyone aboard. The mako careened left and right and for one horrible second Shepard thought that they were going to topple over. She worked frantically at the controls, trying to bring the vehicle back under control.

_Too short of a drop, didn't have time to break the fall sufficiently, ah well suck it up. _She thought to herself, as she wrestled with the mako. Eventually she got it back under her control and brought it to a full stop.

"All systems report ready, Commander," the Chief reported crisply, when Shepard turned to her, " no damage, but we will need a new paint job" she quipped.

Shepard drove the mako towards the doors of the ruins, they had landed just in time to see Saren usher the last of his troops in and seal the doors shut.

Getting out of the mako, the three studied the doors.

"No way we can blast through these Commander," Williams said studying the doors and looking at read outs from her omni-tool. Tali walked up to them and began tapping at her own omni-tool. Shepard stood watching her, waiting for her analysis of the situation.

"Commander," she began in her slightly mechanical voice, " these doors have been sealed and shielded, there's no way we can break in" the quarian looked at the Commander, " but there should be a

method of over riding them, we could just find the correct security console"

"Normandy to Shepard" Jokers voice crackled over the systems, "ye guys get down ok?"

"Shepard here, we're all ok, maintain radio silence, I'll contact you if we need you."

"See I told you they were ok," Shepard heard Joker say to some one beside him.

_Liara_, she thought with a pang of guilt.

"Roger that Commander, Normandy out" and the line went dead.

"Ok people move out," she said turning back to her team.

Back on the Normandy, Liara sagged against the co-pilots chair.

"Hey Doc, relax the Commander is one hell of a driver, if anyone could land that mako she could" Joker said never taking his eyes from the HUD readouts in front of him.

She looked at Joker and smiled.

"I know that, it's just I hate being left behind, I feel so..."

"Helpless," Joker finished for her, " welcome to my world, Doc."

Standing up, she looked at what the pilot was watching.

"What are these, Joker?" she asked.

"Oh these," he said gesturing towards the display in front of him, " are the ground crew, their armoured suits are linked up with the main computer of the Normandy... to an extent" he looked at Liara and saw that she was actually interested in what he was explaining, so he continued, " basically this tells you the status of the ground team, this here," he said pointing towards the red line on the screen, " is that persons vitals, the other," he said pointing at blue line, " are the kinetic barriers, the last line" he said " shows armour damage" he looked up at Liara again and saw that she was carefully studying the readouts from the suits, " the smaller lines under each of these are weapons and ammunition status, basically I can monitor everything from here and know exactly how each of them are doing"

"I see what you mean by being helpless" she said softly, leaning in for a closer look " which one is the Commanders?" she asked him suddenly.

_Ah, _he thought, _we finally get to the heart of the matter._

He tapped a screen to his left hand side, " this here is our illustrous leader" he said with a flourish.

Liara studied it for a few seconds, "she's ok," she said.

"That's what the lady said" he replied flippantly, again he looked at Liara and noted the relief in her eyes.

Sighing to himself, "Look, I can transfer this information to the co-pilots seat, that way you can keep an eye on her."

Liara looked at him quizzically, " I am not keeping an eye on her, Joker" she said quietly.

"Whatever," he said in his usual tone; " I've transferred that data over" he said pointing to the co-pilots seat, " at least this way you won't get a crick in your back leaning over my seat."

Liara thankfully sat back down in the seat.

"Thank you, Jeff," she said to him, pulling the computer closer to her.

Joker just shrugged his shoulders and continued to watch his screens.

Shepard hated Ilos, the place was completely over grown with thick green vegetation, and it smelt like a swap, the air was fetid. The constant droning of the various flying insects was beginning to get on her nerves, as she cut her way through yet another dense patch. She could feel little drops of sweat running down her back and this made her skin crawl, as she imagined that it was one of the insects. She was on edge, the place was too quiet, and this was where Saren was to stage his attack, why wasn't the place crawling with Geth?

Suddenly Williams said " contact "and ducked down behind a statue.

That was all the information Shepard needed, she pointed at Tali and then at another statue and made the signal to take cover. Tali nodded once and obeyed.

"What is it, Williams," she asked the Chief over the communicator.

"Primes, ma'am," came the reply, " two of them, one at my 12 and another at my 13"

"Have they seen us"?

"Negative"

Shepard paused a second considering briefly what she was going to do.

"You take the one at your 12 and I'll take the one at your 13" the Commander ordered, as she came up beside the Chief.

"With pleasure" came the reply.

Both women pulled out sniper rifles and Shepard climbed up over Williams, taking care not to alert the primes, she lay down in the dirt and positioned her rifle, she looked at Williams, who signalled her readiness.

"Ok Chief lets take these two out at the same time, no point alerting the whole place"

Again Williams nodded.

"On three, 1,2,3"

Two shots, one from each rifle was fired silently into the forest, two primes fell heavily onto the ground, deactivated.

" Good shot Williams," the Commander said.

Ashley smiled briefly, " that was for Alenko," she said.

"Shepard, move" she heard Tali shout suddenly as she brought her pistol out and started firing at the outcrop directly above the Commander.

"Crap" she heard Williams swear, " Move, Shepard, move," she yelled at her CO.

Shepard rolled onto her back and looked up into the single eye of a Geth armature.

Scrambling, she ducked and rolled off the ledge as the armature fired, vaporising the spot where the Commander had been seconds earlier. Shepard pulled her pistol out. She fired rapidly at the on coming armature. Sensing that it was about to fire again, she threw itself out of its path. Debris bounced off the Commanders suit. Winded the Commander, pulled herself to her feet.

_Enough of this, _she thought as a familiar blue aura surrounded her. With a flick of her hand she raised the armature off the ground, and she pumped it full of pistol rounds. The armature fell back to the ground, dead.

Turning to the two women in her squad, " how the hell did we miss that?" she asked her green eyes blazing.

"It only activated, once the Primes went down, our scanners didn't pick it up until it was too late" Tali responded.

"Reset it," she ordered, " I want to know every single thing that's on this planet" she barked, " We can't afford to get caught like that again"

Sighing Shepard looked at her team, " good work people" she said as she set off over the rise, followed closely by Tali with Williams bring up the rear.

Back on the Normandy, Liara was sitting rigidly in the co-pilots seat watching what was transpiring on the planet below. She saw the armature fire at Shepard and she thought her heart stopped. Then she saw Williams firing at the armature and the Commander activating her biotics and killing the armature.

"Thank the Goddess," she said, "your alive", as her heart slowly returned to its normal rate.

"Thought you weren't keeping an eye on her Doc." Joker drawled from the station beside her.

" Shut up, Joker" she said without realising.

The young pilot smirked at her, " as you command ma'am" he said tersely.


	7. Chapter 7

_Apologies for the late update, I had computer trouble over the weekend. This is the last chapter dealing with Ilos. I want to a special thanks to all those who have taken the time to review this piece so far. So I hope you enjoy reading this. _

Chapter 7

The three manoeuvred their way through the dense foliage. The Commander was becoming a bit disorientated.

_Everything here looks the same, even the statues look the same, it's impossible to pick out landmarks, _she thought to herself, _ideal place for an ambush_, she concluded.

Every so often she would ask Tali through their comm. suits if they were any closer to finding the security console. Tali's response would always be the same, _almost _there Commander. Shepard felt like a three year old asking. Exasperated the Commander was just about to ask Tali yet again, when the young Quarian tapped Shepard and pointed to the structure ahead of them.

"The security console is in there Commander" she explained, " Unfortunately there are several Geth between it and us"

Williams seeing where Tali had pointed to sighed.

_Why can't anything be easy_, she thought.

The Commander saw the Chiefs expression and let out a sigh of her own, echoing the Chiefs sentiments.

_Ok Shepard,_ she chided herself, _best foot forward, lead by example._

"Unfortunately for them, that is" the Commander replied grinning briefly at the other two, " let's do this," she said enthuastically.

_If I hadn't seen her face thirty seconds ago, I'd almost believe that she enjoys this. _Williams thought nodding to her CO as Shepard pointed to an overhanging ledge and then pointed at Ashley, _then again maybe she does_, she thought, as she watched Shepard engage her biotics and toss a large boulder at an oncoming prime while she unloaded her pistol into a shock trooper.

From her vantage point, Williams provided covering fire for her Commander, taking out two armatures and several ground troops. Tali was to the Commanders right doing lethal damage with her rifle and when she was close enough, hacking the Geth technology and shutting them down.

_Don't know how she does it, getting that close to those Geth, _Ashley thought as she instinctively reloaded and unloaded her sniper rifle, she watched as yet another Geth trooper shut itself down and feel uselessly to the ground.

Shepard was everywhere, her biotics flaring, Geth primes were hurled through the air and shot full of holes, falling to the ground useless, even for scrap. Shock troopers were all but vaporised, when Shepard realising that her pistol was spent, tossed it aside and reached for her shotgun. Enemy bullets bounced uselessly off her kinetic barrier causing it to flare briefly as it absorbed the impact. Shepard could feel the blood pounding through her body, the beating of her heart; every sense was heightened in the song of battle.

On the Normandy, Liara watched transfixed. She had never had the opportunity to watch her lover fight before; she had always been by her side caught up in the moment. It was almost beautiful to watch, as Shepard using her biotics, , turned and crushed, an armature, which was just beginning to rise. For long moments Liara watched Shepard in her deadly dance, marvelling at her skill.

_This is what she was born to do and she excels at it,_ Liara mused, _she is death to those who stand in her way and life to those who stand with her, _as she watched Shepard destroy a Geth who was attempting to flank Tali, _and she is mine, _she thought proudly, smiling slightly to herself at the thought.

Back on Ilos, Williams was switching out her guns when she spotted two Geth Armatures coming over the ridge behind the Commander and Tali. They were powering up their weapons and neither woman had yet seen them. Shepard was too intent upon clearing a path to the entrance of the security building and Tali was helping her.

Williams knew that they had locked in upon the Commander and the quarian. She also knew that she had to make a decision. The Commander or Tali? What felt like an eternity passed, as Williams reached for her shotgun, the armatures were still out of range of their targets. The chief checked her sights and fired, the one closest to the Commander fell.

_Head shot_, Williams thought smugly.

"Get the hell out of there, Commander" she yelled through her suits comm.

Shepard heard the shot and looked momentarily behind her. She saw the second armature and where it was aiming. She knew that the Chief would not get another shot off in time and even if she did it would more than likely pull wide because the enemy was moving.

_Crap_, she thought as she threw herself at Tali, shoving the young woman into the dirt. The blast from the armature's canon hit them and Shepard was hurled through the air and hit wall of the security building, her kinetic barrier failed and Shepard took the full impact. A Geth trooper to her left, sensing an opportunity, fired at the fallen woman. Shepard's world went black.

_Shit, shit, shit_, Ashley thought frantically as she saw her Commander take a hit. She scrambled from her position on the ledge and made her way down the slope towards her CO, _don't be dead, please God don't be dead,_ she silently pleaded with her maker.

Tali was back on her feet and had taken out the last armature and the few remaining Geth troops.

"Area secured," she reported, as she dusted down her trousers.

"Tali," Williams yelled, " the Commanders down"

Tali looked startled for a second as her brain processed the information, " acknowledged" she replied and went toward the semi - conscious Shepard.

Back on the Normandy, Liara stared in disbelief as she watched Shepard flying through the air. She felt dizzy and for one horrible moment thought that she was going to be physically sick. She knew that Shepard had made the decision to save Tali rather than herself.

_She must of known that her kinetic barriers weren't fully recharged yet, _she thought angrily, _why did she do that?_

Joker was watching her closely, seeing the way in which her knuckles whitened as she gripped the armrest of the co-pilots seat.

"Why?" Liara asked involuntarily, "Why did she do that?" she asked almost hysterically.

Joker took a moment to steady himself before her answered the asari, he hated when the Commander got injured groundside and he hated it even more now that he had to deal with Liara

_This is what happens when you fall for a soldier,_ he thought watching Liara's distress, _sometimes they get themselves banged up._

"Liara" he said softly, trying to get her attention.

Liara looked wildly at him, her eyes wide with terror.

"Why did she do that?" she asked again, her voice shaking.

"She's ok" he soothed, " Tali and Ash are there, Tali's a medic, they'll patch her up"

Liara looked at the pilot, sensing the truth in his words.

"It isn't as bad as it looks, " he explained, "the Geth didn't get a direct hit, look" he said, pointing to the Commanders vitals, "there strong, her barrier is coming back up and her suits first aid programme will kick in and get her back on her feet, what the suit can't look after Tali will"

Liara nodded, looking at the stats on her board.

"She's ok," she said " she's ok," she repeated softly and she clasped her hands together in an attempt to stop them from trembling.

Back on the planet, Shepard opened her eyes and focused in on the two worried faces in front of her.

"Well?" she said spearing the two with a look, " what's the damage?"

_How can she be so calm? _Williams thought, _she almost got herself killed._

"Not as bad as it should be" Tali said, " you have been shot in the left shoulder, but the bullet passed straight through, it appears to have missed the bone, so your lucky in that respect," Tali looked at the Commander critically, " there was little bleeding and the bullet hole itself is clean, I've injected you with some medi-gel, so it should heal over in a bit, but it will leave a nasty scar."

"They usually do" was all the Commander said.

Tali continued as if she hadn't heard the Commander, " you have bruised ribs but aside from that your ok, you were lucky that you barrier had partially recharged."

" Good" she said, holding out her hand, the Chief grabbed it and pulled the Commander to her feet.

_Oh God,_ She groaned to herself as she stood up, her body protested at the sudden movements and her chest tightened as she took a deep breath, hot pain slicing through her as she exhaled, _wouldn't be surprised if a few of those ribs were broken_, she mused.

She looked at her team, "ye guys ok?" she asked looking closely at each of them.

"I'm good" the Chief replied smiling at the Commander, _so very glad that you're all right,_ she thought.

It had never entered her head that Shepard could get killed on this mission, sure maybe she'd get killed, but not Shepard and seeing the woman sprawled out on the grass, had really un nerved her. It had made her realise how fragile the Commander really was and how much was depending on her.

"As am I," Tali said simply.

"Ok people, much as I enjoy a good chat, we've got a job to do" Shepard said brightly as she walked up the steps to the security console.

_God damn crazy woman_, Ashley thought, as she watched her CO gingerly make her way up the steps _she must hurt like hell. _The Chief fell in behind Tali as they followed Shepard; _she's got stones though, _she mused, _I'd hate to be Saren when she catches up to him. _She shook her head in silent admiration for her CO.

In the security building, Shepard pushed up the cracked visor of her helmet and looked at the console.

She looked over at Tali and gestured.

"Well?" she said impatiently, " what's the story?"

Tali looked at the console and began to randomly push a few buttons on it.

"It still has a power source, but..." she looked with exasperation at the console, " I can't get it to work, I don't understand the layout"

Shepard looked at the quarian and sighed_, Do I have to do everything myself, _she thought irritably, her head was ringing from the fall she had taken, she really wished she could take off her helmet and sit down for a bit, Moving forward she gently pushed Tali aside. She looked down at the alien console.

Tali was about to say something, but a quick shake of the Chief's head stopped her.

"Hm, I think..." Shepard pressed a few controls and the console sprang into life.

Tali was looking strangely at her, " Commander," she began, "how did you..."

Shepard made a sharp motion for her to be quiet, she was watching the console intently, she pressed another control and a holographic recording began to play.

"...to late...unable to ...invading fleet... no escape" The damaged hologram played over.

Tali and Williams looked at each other.

"Commander, do you understand it?" the Chief ventured.

Shepard was staring intently at the hologram, trying to decipher the words.

"It's very badly damaged," she said quietly as the message replayed.

"You understand it?" Tali asked incredulously.

"It's Prothean..." Shepard said, " it's hard to decipher, it's very badly damaged," she repeated as she listened again for a few seconds, " but I think it's a warning" she concluded.

The other two looked at her in amazement. Sensing their amazement, Shepard frowned.

_I am so tired of people looking at me like that_, she thought.

"Tali, get the doors open to those ruins" she ordered sharply pulling her attention away from the hologram.

The engineer quickly complied.

"The security barrier is down Commander," Tali reported, " we now have access to the ruins"

Shepard nodded her thanks to Tali, " Back to the mako" she ordered.

The ground team returned to the mako and in short time reached the enterance to the ruins which Saren had disappeared down. Jumping out of the mako, Tali punched the door security console. The large doors opened up, directly in front of them was a long narrow passage. The lights of the mako cast a glow down the passage, setting out the walls in sharp contrast. Dust motes from Saren's passage danced in the air.

"Wow," Ashley said, " this place looks ancient," she looked at the Commander, " reckon we can fit the mako down that tunnel"

Shepard was looking around, _Liara would love this, _she thought, _it's so old and quiet._ She tried to imagine Liara here with her and how much she would enjoy being one of the first people in this ruin after so many long a time. _ If only the circumstances were different._

Hearing the Chief address her about the mako, she turned to face her.

"Damn right, it'll fit Chief," she replied, " God only knows what's down there"

Again she sighed, _Sorry Liara_ she thought, _but it looks like I'm going to wreck the place._

Before they got back into the mako, Shepard contacted the ship ordering Joker to head for Arcturus station and to brief Admiral Hackett.

She just heard Liara beginning to protest as the line was cut.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey, I must offer my apologies for the amount of time it took to update. Things have been crazy in the real world! Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. Usual disclaimers apply. Without further a do…chapter 8, hope you enjoy it!_

Chapter 8

"Orders from the Commander, Sir," Joker said over the comm. to Pressly, "we're to proceed to Arcturus Station and brief Admiral Hackett"

"I heard her too," Pressly snapped back, "carry on"

"Does that mean, go to the station or just be quiet" he mumbled to himself.

Liara looked over at Joker, as he worked his board, "Coordinates laid in, approaching the relay"

Joker sat back and looked over at Liara, "we'll lose their signals now," he said to her, "you do know that"

Liara looked at him with derision, "Yes, Joker, I do, I am after all a scientist"

"Sorry," he said holding up his hands in mock surrender.

Liara shook her head, " No," she said sadly, " It is I who should be sorry, I did not mean to snap at you," she looked over at Joker, a deep sadness in her eyes, "I may never get to see Sulien again," she said softly.

Joker's heart almost broke at the sight in front of him, he searched for something comforting to say to the woman, but for the first time in his life he was speechless. He didn't know what to say in the face of such emotion. So he said nothing.

Liara stood up from her chair, "I am going to get some sleep, will you call me when we reach the station?"

Joker nodded to her, "of course" he said

Liara briefly touched Jokers shoulder and with a sad smile at him, left the command centre.

Liara wondered aimlessly out off the command and onto the first deck. She had the intention of going to her quarters off the med bay and trying to get some sleep, there was no point in her staying with Joker, they were still sometime out from the station and besides she got the distinct impression that Pressly didn't want her there.

She wondered why Shepard had made him her second, when Joker or even Alenko would have done. The man while an excellent navigator wasn't really cut out for command, he lacked a certain presence and he made those who he commanded uneasy.

_I shall have to ask her once I see __her;_ she thought to herself,_ if I ever see her,_ she added morosely.

She found herself standing outside Shepard's quarters and not for the first time wondering if she could go in. Looking around and seeing no one watching, she went into the quarters.

Everything was exactly as they had left it that morning, Shepard's clothes were still piled on the ground where she had hastily shed them the night before, the bed covering lay crumbled in the corner of the room, where it had been tossed that morning.

Liara smiled at the memory of their first night together, she bent down and picked up the Commanders shirt. Liara held it up and eyed it critically; the shirt was creased and had a few stains on it.

_Coffee,_ Liara thought, she had noticed that Shepard was incapable of drinking the stuff without spilling it.

Sure enough when she went to Shepard's desk there was a half empty cup beside her console, the cups contents was like tar. Liara lifted up the cup moved it away from the console.

_She should know better, than to have coffee at her desk, she could knock it over and destroy all the information on the OSD's._

As if on queue, Liara turned around and knocked a large stack of OSD's off the desk, they tumbled to the ground with a clattering sound.

_By the Goddess, _she swore, _this woman is so untidy. It's a gift that she has so few possessions. Although, _she rationalized, _she didn't really have time to tidy up earlier._

Liara bent down and began picking up the OSD's and putting them back in order. That done she began to once again look around the room.

_This place really is a mess,_ she thought, _I'll tidy it up a bit, I'm sure the Commander won't mind and I'm sure she wouldn't relish returning to an untidy quarters._

She began by picking up the clothes on the floor and placing them in the laundry basket at the end of the bed. She then picked up the few other articles of clothing which had been returned and were waiting to be put into the closet. Each article of clothing was folded into a neat blue square, each article bore Shepard's serial number and rank on the inside label. Liara placed them on the desk; she would put them away later. She then turned her attention to the bed. She stripped it and tossed the bed clothes into the basket. Went to the drawers, and searched for fresh bed clothes. Finding what she was looking for she dressed the bed. Stepping back to survey her handiwork, she smiled, she may not be military but she had lived with commandos long enough to know how to make a bed. The room was looking better already.

She picked up the clothes which she had set aside and opened the Commander's closet. Her uniforms were hanging in a neat row, each one covered with plastic, suggesting that they had just been cleaned or not worn since they had been cleaned. The Commander's BDU's were all pressed , folded and stored upon the two shelves, one shelf for trousers, another for her shirts. The single drawer underneath held the Commanders personal affects. Liara ran her hand along the line of uniforms; she was just about to close the door, when a small red box caught her eye. She picked it up and carefully opened it, inside lay Shepard's Star of Terra. Liara looked down at the medal and thought of what it meant. To receive the Star of Terra was no small achievement

She had asked her once when they had been alone in Liara's quarters, it had been shortly after they had met Elanos Haliat on Agebinium and Shepard could not sleep. Shepard had sought out Liara and the two had stayed up for many hours talking. Shepard was in a melchanony mood that night and their conversation was decidedly dark in nature.

Liara remembered that conversation; even though the subject matter was heavy she had enjoyed talking with Shepard and was delighted that she had come to her.

They had sat in Liara's quarters, the Commander in her usual place, leaning against the desk, arms folded casually across her chest.

"Commander, how long have you been in the Alliance?" Liara asked.

Shepard looked at her, if she was surprised by the question she did not show it.

"A little over ten years," she answered.

"You have risen through the ranks quickly then" Liara noted.

"Saving Elysium could have a lot to do with that" Shepard had replied.

Liara looked at Shepard and noted how dejected she was.

"What was that like?" she asked tentatively.

Shepard looked up at her sharply.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want too," Liara added quickly sensing that she may of over stepped her bounds, "I was just curious" she added lamely, shrugging her shoulders as she had seen the others do when they were trying to pass something off.

"It's ok, it's just not something I don't talk about very often" she replied, privately amused by the way in which Liara had started mimicking the others.

Liara waited for Shepard to continue, she had learned along time ago not to push Shepard, if she wanted to talk about something she would, but in her own time.

"It was a beautiful day, the day the attacks took place," she began, "the sun was so bright in the sky, although that could have just been me," she mused.

Liara looked at her quizzically.

Seeing her look, "too long in space with artificial light" she explained, "it always takes my eyes some time to readjust. But that day was glorious, kind of reminded me of a summers day on Mindor when I was a kid" she said, with a far off look on her face, remembering long past summers, "I was on shore leave, enforced shore leave, apparently I wasn't taking enough down time for the ships MO's liking," she smiled at Liara, "imagine that" she quipped.

"Indeed, imagine" was all Liara had said anxious for Shepard to continue her story.

"I had been on Elysium about two days; it really is a beautiful planet. I was staying in the main settlement. I have always felt comfortable around colonists and these people were no exception. They were warm and friendly and I had even befriended one or two of them down at the local bar. They used to laugh at me because I wouldn't take a drink, but they were good people, hard working and honest, they reminded me of my parents, truth be told" she looked up at Liara and smiled sadly.

_I think I'm beginning to understand why you do what you do, Shepard_, Liara thought to herself, _you are not half as complicated as people seem to believe you are._

Saying nothing Liara nodded at Shepard and gave her a slight smile.

"I was in the market, standing at a stall, haggling with a local trader, when I heard people shouting and shots being fired," Shepard continued, "I looked at the trader and she was terrified, I asked her what was going on, was this a common occurrence, but she was too frightened to answer me, the gun fire was getting louder and it was coming towards us, I grabbed the trader and dragged her after me into one of the nearby houses," Shepard shook her head at the memory, " when I got inside, there was about fifteen people all huddled together, scared out of their skin, one old man was able to tell me that there was a massive invasion going on, that pirates had landed just outside the settlement and were laying waste to everything, he told me that they were batarian.

Shepard paused for a second, " You have to understand Liara," she said, "I was very young and very angry, I still had to resolve my issues over Mindor and when that man said that the attackers were batarian, to me it was like Mindor all over again, except this time I was older and better trained. Nobody was going to suffer at the hands of the batarians, not this time" She looked over at Liara, to see if she understood what she was saying.

Liara looked at the other woman, "I have never judged you on anything which you have done in your past," she said to Shepard, "I will not start now," she smiled slightly at the Commander, "please continue"

_Besides, _she thought, I_ don't think you have ever resolved your issues over Mindor._

"I was wearing civvies," Shepard continued, smiling, "I think that was the last time I wore civvies," she said thoughtfully, "so the group were a little hesitant when I told them I was an Alliance officer," she said.

Liara was somewhat surprised by this, she could never imagine anyone mistaking Shepard for anything but a soldier.

As if sensing what Liara was thinking, Shepard smiled, "you have to remember, back then nobody had heard of me, and I suppose I was a different person, unsure of myself and my place in the world, I was, as they say, just a marine, trying to keep my gun clean and my head from being blown from my shoulders."

"You were a Lieutenant?" Liara asked.

"Yes, newly minted too, all bright and shiny, straight from camp" Shepard replied, " hell, I hadn't even been through the N7 training then" she looked off into the distance, " it feels like a million years ago, I really was a different person back then" Shepard said, remembering her younger self, " Hell," she repeated, " I wasn't even sure when I told them I was Alliance, in the back of my mind I kept thinking, what can I do, I'm only one person, but another part of me kept saying, you have to protect them, don't let what happened on Mindor happen again." Again she looked to Liara for reassurance.

Liara smiled at her and nodded encouragingly.

_Why am I telling her all this,_ Shepard asked herself, but she knew the answer and the question was an old one,_ I am telling her stuff I have never told anyone_, _she said that she wouldn't judge you,_ Shepard reminded herself, _so what if she knows your so called selfless acts on Elysium were motivated by a need for revenge, she deserves to know the real you, not the facade that you have put up, or the poster child for the alliance, but the real you, warts and all._

"I don't really remember much of the fighting to be honest," she said looking at Liara, " I remember gun shots and running through streets, I remember setting up the barricade in that small dead ended alley off main street and picking up a pistol from one of the batarian bodies on the street," she paused for a second, wetting her lips before continuing, " I remember thinking that the pistol was badly balanced and would over heat quickly," again she paused, " but I'll tell you what I do remember," she looked straight at Liara, " I remember thinking that we wouldn't be able to hold out, that our position was going to be over run and that we were all going to be killed. I looked around at the people around me, colonists, simple people, just farmers and traders and they were scared, I could see it on their faces" again she stopped, " most of them had never held a gun, they all had families and businesses, people who were waiting from them to come home," she paused and took a deep breath, " I remember thinking that they didn't deserve to die, so I yelled at them to get away , to go to the bunkers and to wait out the fighting, I told them that the Alliance was on their way" she took another deep breath, as if she was struggling with the memory and the emotions that it had evoked, " They were so relieved to be told to go, I could see it in their eyes, I could almost hear them thinking about their families."

"Didn't anyone realise how dangerous the situation was?" Liara asked softly, she had a very vivid image of a young Shepard yelling at the colonists to get away, she could almost hear the gun fire and smell the smoke, she could not imagine what it must of actually been like to live through those events, to feel real fear and to know that in all likely hood you were going to die. In all her years, she had never experienced such terror as the woman in front of her had.

"One or two wanted to stay," she replied, " but I sent them away, I told them that this was my duty and that it was my job to protect them," again she stopped and ran her hand through her short blonde hair, " of course, they protested," she said smiling, " so I told them, that if they stayed, they would die, that our position was about to be over run and that they would never see their families again" she stopped again, pulling some imaginary lint off her spotless uniform, " one of them asked, what about me and my family."

"What did you reply," Liara asked, although she thought she already knew the answer.

"I told him that I didn't matter, that I had nobody" she replied, "and then I told him to go and that I would cover their retreat"

Liara looked at Shepard, _look at you now_, she thought smiling, _the most important person in the galaxy_.

_Why is she smiling_, Shepard thought, _I wish I could figure out what she is thinking._

"They left, of course" Shepard continued, "Nobody wants to die, especially those with family" she looked at Liara and smiled.

_You are my family,_ Shepard thought and smiled slightly to herself.

" The batarians come ploughing through and my pistol over heated very quickly, I got hit twice," she said pointing to her left shoulder and right leg, to illustrate where she had been shot, " and I was just about ready to give up, when I heard one of the pirates yelling that he had found where _my_ people had gone." she looked at Liara again, " and they were my people, Liara, I had vowed to protect them, to keep them safe until back up arrived," she explained, " I put myself between the pirates and the place where my people were hidden, the alley was so dark, it took my eyes ages to readjust after the bright sun light, I tried to fire my pistol, but it overloaded and burnt my hand," she held up her hand for Liara to see the faint scar, Liara could just make out the imprint of a serial number, " I engaged my biotics and hurled everything that I could at them, thankfully, the alley was narrow and a dead end, so I couldn't be out flanked, they just kept coming, I was hit so a least twice more, although by this point I no longer felt the bullets," she looked at Liara, despair in her eyes. "I was so tired, I had never used my biotics to this extent, I felt like my head was going to explode, but I still kept fighting,"

_She's right back there,_ Liara thought, _she's not telling me what happened, she's reliving the memory. _

"Until you couldn't fight anymore," Liara finished, taking Shepard's hand in hers.

Shepard nodded, "Thankfully, by the time I was truly spent, the Alliance had arrived and they quickly quashed any remaining resistance." Shepard smiled slightly, "I wasn't until later, and I learned that one of my group was actually a high ranking politician and to capture her would have ended all resistance on Elysium, the pirates had concentrated the majority of their force on my position, thinking that they would have an easy victory. They also felt that by murdering the politician they would be sending a message about how they felt about humanity's expansion in the Skyllian Verge"

"But they hadn't banked on you being there" Liara said smiling.

"I slept for a week after that" Shepard said, "I don't think I have ever been so tired in my entire life. When I woke up, everyone knew me, my name was all over the news feeds, the people who had been with me at the barricade were giving interviews and using words like selfless and courageous to describe my actions." she smiled and laughed a little at this, "I would have used words like crazy, insane and reckless to describe what I had done," again she laughed, "next thing I knew they were pinning the Star of Terra on me and calling me a hero."

_She doesn't see it,_ Liara thought to herself,_ a lesser person would have made those people stay, a lesser person would have given up after they had been shot, but not you Shepard you kept on going, even past the point of exhaustion, dying just wasn't an option for you. You really are a hero in every sense of the word. A beautiful broken hero, in shining armour, ready to save everyone but themselves. _

Liara took Shepard in her arms and kissed her lightly.

"You are amazing" was all she said, "thank you for telling me this"

Back in Shepard's quarters en-route to Arcturus Station.

_So, it was at Elysium that you finally became who you were meant to be;_ She thought to herself, that_ you made that final commitment to the Alliance and to yourself, that you would always put yourself between the weak and the strong, that you would be the person to protect the masses. And look where it has gotten you,_ she thought sadly, thinking of her brave young lover, on the now distant Ilos fighting for the survival of the galaxy.

Looking one last time at the medal she angrily snapped the box shut and placed it back on the shelf. She took one last glance around the room before heading towards her own quarters.


	9. Chapter 9

_Hey. Sorry about the delay in posting, a few minor hiccups (in the form of a broken wrist) held up my writing. I just want to say thanks to everyone who is reading this, thanks to all the people who are reviewing, thanks for the favs and the alerts and the additions to the C2's. Also thanks to Lilly who's been helping me out with college reports over the past few weeks and who also helped me typing this (thanks mate, your typing skills are amazing...) and to Airen, my Beta who made sense of it all, once Lil and I were finished._

Chapter 9

Liara sat in her quarters. She briefly considered doing some work on her console, but knew that her heart would not be in it. Then she considered talking to Dr. Chakwas, who was working in the medbay outside, but she also decided against that. She was never very comfortable making small talk, something she noticed the Commander also found difficult.

_Must be__ hard to talk about the weather when the whole galaxy is depending on you for its very survival,_ she mused.

Just thinking about Shepard and her forthright manner brought tears to her eyes.

_No,_ she silently admonished herself. _I will not cry. This is how it has to be_, she told herself sternly. _Shepard is out there risking life and limb without quibble. Liara, _she said to herself,_ you need to be strong too. Sulien will need you when she gets back._

She eyed her bed; she was very tired. Drained, in fact.

_I won't be much good to her if I'm exhausted__,_ she rationalized, feeling guilty for thinking about sleep.

She began to remove her clothes, tossing them towards the end of the bed, not really caring where they landed. She climbed under the blanket and was just about to close her eyes when something caught her eye.

_It can wait, _she told herself, closing her eyes.

Two minutes later she was out of bed and standing in front of her console. She eyed the source of the distraction before picking up the offending object.

_Paper,_ she thought, holding the note between her fingers. She was surprised. Nobody used paper anymore. She looked down at the writing. It was neat and precise, clearly showing that someone had taken great care in writing it.

She walked back and sat on the edge of her bed. Taking a deep breath, she began to read. It was a fairly short note, clearly written by someone in a rush, but also by someone struggling to choose the right words. She read the note.

_Liara, I understand that you are probably angry with me at the moment. I am so bad with words, I prefer action and some__times my actions aren't enough. I want to tell you this, just in case...well, I don't come back... _

_Liara, I care for you with all my heart. I adore you with all my heart. I have cherished and adored all that you have shared with me. The gentle touch of your hands, your warm hugs, your loving and sensual kisses, the feel of your soft and smooth skin, the thrill of holding your hand. I am amazed at what you do to my heart._

_Remember this always..._

_In you, I have found..._

_The greatest joy in my life._

_You are...amazing._

There was no doubt about who had written this. In her mind's eye, Liara could almost imagine Shepard sitting at the console across the room, carefully labouring as she tried to find the right word to express how she felt.

_She was always going to leave me behind, _she thought, clutching the note in her hands, _to protect me._

Liara re-read the note. _We should have never started this,_ she thought. _She tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen._

She closed her eyes tightly, fighting against the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. _But we did, and now she is down on that planet, and nobody expects her to survive._ This was true, Liara could see it in the crew's eyes. They had already accepted that the ground team was as good as dead.

_I should be with her. I should be with her!_ she mentally wailed, clutching the note to her chest. This time the tears, large and hot, did fall, but Liara did nothing to stop them. She curled upon herself, holding the note to her chest, and cried herself to sleep.

"Dr. T'Soni, we have reached Arcturus Station," came the voice of the pilot over the comm. "Lieutenant Pressly has gone ashore to brief Admiral Hackett."

Liara shook herself as she stood up from the bed, her muscles screaming in protest. Stretching, she winced as her back popped. She walked over to the small sink at the side of the room and she splashed cold water on to her face, then sighed and hung her head. Her eyes felt as if they had sand in them and she was sure that they were puffy from crying.

Sighing once more, she splashed some more water onto her face. She picked up her clothes from the edge of the bed and mechanically dressed. Lastly, with reverence, she picked up the note and tucked it into her breast pocket, over her heart.

Leaving her quarters, she made her way to the CIC. Joker was in his usual place, punching at his console, finalizing the docking procedure. Liara took her seat beside him.

Joker glanced over at her. "Looking good, Doc," he said sarcastically, noting her puffy eyes and creased clothes. "The Commander is one lucky lady."

"Shut it, Joker," she said, using a tone she had heard Shepard use on a regular basis when speaking to the pilot. Her _behave-or-else_ tone, Liara had mentally dubbed it. Whatever it was called, it worked. Joker immediately shut up.

She looked out the viewport and could see the immense, donut-shaped station. _Stanford Torus-type construction, probably generates gravity through centripetal acceleration, not unlike the Presidium on the Citadel,_ her scientific mind noted distractedly. Absently, she took in the planet below. It was a large gas giant, and the station was trailing it.

_Themis,_ she absently thought. _The station is trailing it at a Lagrange point._

Joker was watching her out of the corner of his eye. "You know," he began conversationally, "I spent most of my childhood here. My mom was a civilian contractor. She helped build the fleet." He paused for a second before continuing. "It's one of our oldest stations, built before we made contact with the council races." Again he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "The Commander went to the academy here. This is where the N7s are trained."

Liara nodded at this, recognizing the pilot's attempt to distract her. A part of her was grateful for his efforts, while another part of her was annoyed. She didn't want to be distracted.

"Indeed," she answered, "the design is a bit outdated." That was all she said, not wanting to think about Shepard and her link with the station.

That statement effectively killed off any conversation between the two. Joker went back to his work and Liara continued to look out the viewport, watching the planet below as the sun moved across its surface, turning night into day.

Pressly found the two like that when he returned from the station. One look at the man and they could tell that his meeting had not gone well.

He walked up to them and ran his hand through his thinning hair.

_God,_ he thought, _I never asked for command._ He had found the Admiral to be an odd man, difficult to talk to and hard to persuade.

"The Admiral won't mobilise the fleet," was all he said when he came onto the bridge. "He says that there's insufficient evidence to support our claims of an attack on the Citadel, and that he won't risk a diplomatic incident by arming the fleet."

"_What?_" Liara exclaimed, turning on Pressly. "What about Shepard and the ground team?" she demanded.

He winced at Liara's high-pitched voice and shied away from the anger he saw in her eyes. "They're on their own now,_ Doctor,_" he said, lacing the last word with venom.

_How dare this woman be on the bridge questioning me,_ he raged to himself.

Liara stopped and stared at the navigator.

"Is that it, then, _Lieutenant?_" she demanded, adding her own amount of venom to the navigator's rank. "We just walk away?" She looked at him coldly. "We should at least take the _Normandy_ to the relay."

"Orders are orders, _Doctor,_" he replied, looking at the deck.

Joker was watching with interest. _Like hell they are_, he thought. _Shepard stole this ship to save the galaxy and now we're going to leave her high and dry because the XO is afraid of disobeying orders? _Heshook his head to himself in disbelief.

Liara looked at the man. "Orders are orders," she repeated, looking at Pressly in disbelief. She paused for a second, and from his place at the flight controls, Joker could see her dark eyes darting from left to right.

_The time for words has passed,_ she thought to herself._ Now is a time for action._

She couldn't explain it, but she knew in her very heart of hearts that Sulien needed the Fifth Fleet, and that without it all would be lost. And yet here was this man telling her that they weren't going to get it.

Liara refocused her gaze on Pressly. "Just as well I'm not military, then," she said. "I don't have to follow your orders." With that, she all but ran towards _Normandy'_s exit port.

A stuttering, infuriated Pressly watched her go.

Joker watched her in silent admiration. Thinking back on his previous comment, he was forced to concede that the Commander was indeed a very lucky woman.

Stepping out of the docking bay, Liara took a moment to familiarize herself with the station layout. She looked for an information terminal but found none. Exacerbated, she walked down a gunmetal corridor. Eventually she found an old-fashioned map on a wall.

Studying the map, she came to the conclusion that the Admiral's office was on the level above her, more than likely near the administration offices. She took a second to memorise the station layout, then strode purposefully onwards, intent upon her destination.

She did not notice the strange looks that she was getting from the station personnel and fleet officers alike. The sight of an asari on the station was an event in itself—but one who was as bedraggled and as angry-looking as Liara caused many a person to stop in their tracks and stare after her. A few recognized her from the various newsfeeds and stopped to tell their co-workers. The news of her arrival sped ahead of her so quickly that by the time she reached the Admiral's office, he was well aware of her arrival.

Liara paused a second outside his office. A moment of panic seized her.

_What will I say? _she asked herself._ What can I say that will get him to mobilise the fleet?_

For a second, she thought about turning around and going back to the ship. She was never one for confrontations, preferring a more diplomatic route.

She closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep calming breath.

_No, _she thought to herself as she remembered the way the Commander smiled at her the night before. If she ever wanted to see that smile again, she had to do this. _The time for words has passed, _she repeated to herself. She placed her hand over her breast pocket in which she had placed Sulien's note. _Hang on, my love, we are coming._

Taking another breath, she opened her eyes and stared at the door in front of her. She knocked sharply once, and without waiting for a response, she marched in.

Stephen Hackett was sitting at his desk. He stood up when he saw Liara come into the room. He was tall man, with slightly grey hair. But that was the only sign of his advancing years. He had lightly tanned skin, _unusual for a person spending so much time in space_, Liara thought, _must be a genetic trait_, she concluded. Liara noted that he stood with ease and clapsed his hands behind his back. He regarded her momentairly, his face belying nothing of what he was thinking.

"Dr.T'Soni," he said eventually. "I can't say that I'm surprised to see you."

He moved around his desk and stood in front of Liara. "Lt. Pressly informed me that you were on your way."

He pointed towards a seat in the corner of the room and motioned for Liara to sit.

Liara shook her head, instead crossing her arms in front of her chest as she had seen Shepard do on countless occasions.

"Admiral Hackett—" she began, but the Admiral stopped her.

"Dr. T'Soni," he said sternly, looking the young woman straight in the eye. He was secretly pleased to see that she did not flinch away from his gaze. "If you are here in an attempt to dissuade me from my decision, you are wasting your and my time."

He watched Liara carefully, waiting to see a reaction to his words. "There is insufficient evidence to warrant such an action." Again, he watched Liara, waiting for some sort of reaction. He was finding the young asari very difficult to read, as she did not fidget or look away from him as he spoke. She held herself very still, never taking her eyes off him. What she was thinking was completely unknown to him. "There is nothing you can say that will change that fact."

As he finished his sentence, he strode back around his desk and sat down. He picked up a datapad and began to scan it. He had effectively dismissed Liara.

She watched the man for several moments as he read the datapad. She smiled to herself as she realised that he was not really reading it at all, just using it as a diversion. She took two steps forward until she stood directly in front of his desk and placed both hands on the desk.

"Admiral Hackett," she begun again. The man looked up and was momentarily taken aback when he saw how close she was. "As I was about to say," Liara continued, "I am aware that there is insufficient evidence for you to mobilise the fleet." She paused a moment before continuing. "And I know that there is nothing I can add to Lt. Pressly's report that will change your mind—"

The Admiral looked at the young woman in front of him. "Then why, Doctor, are you here?" he queried.

Liara held up her hand in front of the Admiral, a little annoyed at the interruption."As I said, nothing I _say_ will change your mind..." Again, she paused; Hackett watched her, closely intrigued by what she was saying. Liara leaned in a little closer to the Admiral. "But what if I could _show _you?"

Hackett sat back in his chair as the implications of what Liara just said hit him.

"You are proposing a meld between us," he stated.

Liara just nodded.

"Can you do that?" he asked, and another thought occurred to him as he asked that question.

As if she sensed the Admiral's unasked question, Liara nodded; but upon seeing his raised eyebrows, she felt the need to elaborate. "I have melded with Commander Shepard in the past to help her make sense of her visions from the Prothean beacons," she explained hastily. She had no wish to discuss her private life. "And in answer to your question, yes, I can."

Admiral Hackett hesitated for a moment, considering the implications of what she was proposing.

_If I do this,_ he thought,_ I will be able to make a more informed decision._

As it stood, he was basing his decision upon the Council's recommendations despite the fact the decision hadn't sat well with him. He had known Commander Shepard for a long time and he had never known her to be prone to flights of fantasy. If she said that there was a threat to the galaxy, then in his book that was good enough.

However, the Council and Ambassador Udina disagreed. Udina had personally ordered Hackett not to interfere or else he would end up like Captain Anderson, who had been removed from duty due to his part in the theft of the _Normandy._

Hackett hated Udina. He thought that the man was a snake in the grass and he admired the stand Anderson had taken against him._ Hell,_ he thought, _if it had been me, I would've done more than punch the man._

"Okay, Doctor," he said finally. "If you believe it's the only way."

Liara smiled slightly at the Admiral. "I do, Admiral. Do not worry, this is painless."

She gazed into the Admiral's eyes. "Just relax, Admiral," she said as her mind entered his. "Embrace eternity," she whispered. Suddenly, her mind was assaulted with images from the Admiral's life.

His mind was untrained and his thoughts chaotic, each one sweeping into Liara's mind and threatening to overwhelm her. In mere seconds, a young boy became a man, the man became a soldier, and the soldier an admiral.

Past battles played out in front of her as if she were there. She could smell the smoke and taste the fear. She saw friends and comrades in arms fall and die. She witnessed the first time the Admiral saw his wife and sensed the elation he felt the first time he held his son. She witnessed the last time the Admiral saw his wife and felt his grief at her loss.

This was unlike any other meld she had participated in. It wasn't like a meld with another asari, which was usually ordered and controlled. It wasn't like her melds with the Commander, either—she had locked away some of her memories so as to not cause Liara distress. This was wild, and Liara struggled to gain a foothold.

With a deep breath, she began to push the memories she had from Shepard forward, taking care to not allow the context of how she received the memories to become apparent. She showed the Admiral her own memory of meeting Sovereign on Virmire. She replayed the images of Saren attacking the Commander at the bomb site, asking her to join him; she showed him the Commander's defiance when she promised to stop him and Saren's laughter as he told her that all organic life was doomed.

She showed him her own memories of her mother as she told them about indoctrination and the things she had been forced to do. For a finish, she showed him Shepard's memories from the beacon—the demise of the Protheans. All that death and destruction the Commander saw every time she closed her eyes. She didn't hold anything back, and let him feel the full impact of Shepard's nightmares.

"Enough," Hackett finally rasped. "Enough, you've made your point."

Liara broke off the meld and finally sat down in the previously offered seat. She looked at the Admiral, her gaze boring into his very soul.

"Now you see what is at stake, Admiral. Now you see what it is Shepard fights against. Will you allow her to fight alone, to fail and doom all organic life to death? Or will you stand with her as she once stood with you?" she said, remembering a young Shepard taking orders on a battlefield from a young Captain Hackett.

Hackett still looked dazed from the meld; he ran a hand through his hair and gave himself a small shake as if freeing himself from the distasteful images. He remembered what his drill sergeant had said to him when he first enlisted, all those years ago.

"_Hackett, there comes a time in every soldier's life when he has to make a decision__—__t__o do what is right, or to follow orders. That decision will determine how men perceive you and how history will remember you._"

These words ran around in his head. Shepard had made her decision and Anderson had made his. A_nd now it's my turn,_ he thought.

"Did Shepard give you any indication as to why she needs the Fifth Fleet, Doctor?"

Liara shook her head, aware that this was a major hole in her argument."All she asked was that we report here and brief you. She asked us to request that the Fifth Fleet be mobilised and ready as a precaution," she answered honestly.

"So you have no firm proof that there is actually going to be an attack on the Citadel," he concluded.

"No," Liara once again answered truthfully. "But Admiral, I ask you..." She held up her hand so that he wouldn't interrupt her. "When has Commander Shepard ever been wrong?"

She dropped her hand and crossed her arms across her chest in defiance, looking steadily at the Admiral. "When have you ever known her to jump to conclusions without due cause? If Commander Shepard says that the prospect of an attack on the Citadel exists, I would take that very seriously."

She never broke her gaze with the Admiral as she stood up from her chair. "I would rather mobilise the fleet needlessly than not do it and have to deal with the alternative."

She nodded once at the Admiral."I will leave you now to your decision," she said. "Thank you for your time."

The Admiral watched the young asari leave. He picked up the picture of his wife and son sitting on his desk and looked sadly at it.

"Either way, my love," he said to the picture, "this is going to be a very long day."

Putting the picture gently back down on the desk, he sent a communiqué to all the ships. The captains were to give orders for the fleet to be mobilised.

Back on the _Normandy,_ Joker practically jumped for joy when he saw the orders coming through.

"Lt. Pressly," he called, "she did it, sir!" He smiled brightly. "Liara convinced the Admiral to mobilise the fleet!"

"_What?_" Pressly said, astounded and more than a little angry.

_How dare that woman undermine me in such a manner. I am the officer in charge here! _he silently fumed.

Liara arrived back on the bridge just in time to hear Pressly's outburst and to see him slam his hand down on the flight console, causing Joker to jump in alarm. She walked up to him and looked at him squarely in the eye.

"Is there a problem, Lt. Pressly?" she asked.

"How dare you undermine me in front of the Admiral. I am the senior officer aboard this ship," he bellowed at her. "How _dare_ you coerce a top Alliance official into changing his decision." Pressly was all but spitting at her as he stood almost nose to nose with her. "What did you do, _Doctor_?" he yelled. "Work you alien charm on him?"

Liara blinked as if she were unable to believe what she was hearing. She could feel the anger growing inside of her.

_Calm down,_ she told herself. _Calm down, getting angry now won't serve any purpose._

"Yes," she said sarcastically, taking a step back to give herself some room. "I did work my _alien _charm on him—if by _alien _charm you mean that I told him what I know, what I have seen, and more importantly what the Commander knows and has seen." She let that statement hang in the air for a few minutes.

Pressly clenched his jaw shut as the meaning behind Liara's words began to sink in.

Joker was watching the interchange with interest. T_hese two are better than any soap opera, _he thought. Seeing that things were on the verge of getting out of hand, though, he decided to interfere.

"Lieutenant," he said, hoping to get Pressly's attention. "Sir," he tried again, a bit louder this time.

Pressly looked at him, the anger still in his eyes."_What?_" he said rudely.

"I really don't think this is the time or the place for such an interchange," Joker said. "And as senior officer aboard, sir," he said respectfully, "the crew is awaiting your orders."

Liara looked over at Joker; she was amazed at what he had just done. She had always thought of Joker as a bit of an idiot—a brilliant pilot, but no social skills. But now she realised that her conception of him had been completely wrong. He didn't care what people thought of him and said what he wanted, but he was in no way the idiot that she thought him to be. His careful handling of Pressly just now proved that.

Pressly looked at him as if just remembering where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. He nodded once at Joker, glared at Liara, and walked back into the CIC.

Joker winked at Liara and turned back to his board."Proceeding to the relay as per the Admiral's orders," he called over the comm to Pressly.

Liara sat down in the co-pilot's seat and breathed a sigh of relief. She hated confrontations. She looked over at Joker, who was grinning happily to himself.

"Thanks, Joker," she said wearily to him.

Joker waved off her thanks."None necessary, Liara," he said. "I'm the one who should be thanking you."

Liara looked at him."Yes, well, I didn't do it for you," she said. "But I am glad that you are as eager to aid the Commander as I am."

_Of course I am,_ he thought to himself.

"Shepard will be fine," he said flippantly. "Now," he enthused, "thanks to you, I'm going to get to kill Sovereign."

_No point in letting them think you're soft, _he told himself. He caught the annoyed look that briefly passed over Liara's face. _Besides, it's funnier this way._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Liara closed her eyes as she waited for Joker to bring the ship into position. She suddenly opened them again when she heard the garbled distress call of the_ Destiny Ascension_, the Council's flagship.

"…_we have the Council aboard. Repeat, this is the Destiny Ascension requesting immediate assistance. We have taken heavy damage. We have the Council aboard._"

"Cutthat off," Pressly ordered. "We have enough to contend with here without having to listen to_ that._"

Joker looked briefly over his shoulder. "That may not be your call, sir," he said, pointing to the hazy readouts on the HUD screen.

Liara felt a wave of relief wash over her when she saw the readouts. Shepard was alive and she was on the station. She felt something loosen inside of her, as if a heavy object had been lifted from her chest. Shepard was alive!

Joker keyed his comm and patched in to his Commander.

"Commander, is that you?" he asked, biting his bottom lip as he waited for the reply.

Several seconds passed in tense silence.

"Why, were you expecting someone else?" she asked tartly.

Liara laughed with the joy of hearing the Commander's voice.

"No, ma'am," Joker replied happily. "We have the _Destiny Ascension_ sending out a distress signal. It's taken heavy damage. I'm here at the Arcturus relay with the entire Fifth Fleet. Orders, ma'am?" he asked respectfully, looking back at Pressly.

A few seconds passed. Liara could imagine Shepard weighing up her options.

_Please,_ Liara silently begged._ Save the _Ascension _please!_ She knew that it would mean risking Alliance ships and human lives, but it was the right thing to do. The loss of the Council would be a devastating blow to Citadel space, one which she doubted they would be able to recover from. The loss of the Council would bring discord among the various citadel species as they clamoured to fill the power vacuum.

"Joker," the Commander's voice came through over the comm. "Save the _Ascension_ at all costs. Once that is completed, focus all fire on Sovereign. Let's end this."

With that, the line went dead and Liara was once again left alone. She looked up at the HUD and took solace from the strong readouts she was seeing.

"Aye aye, ma'am!" Joker responded to the dead line.

He then sent the Commander's orders to the fleet, and as one entity they exited out of the relay into Citadel space.

"_Destiny Ascension_," he responded, using the same frequency on which the _Ascension_ had hailed them. "This is the _SSV Normandy_ of the Systems Alliance Fifth Fleet. Reinforcements are on their way. Stand by."

He turned to Liara and smiled. "Sometimes," he said as he piloted the ship, "I just love this job."

He angled the _Normandy_ towards the large asari dreadnought. The ship sailed through the clouds of the Serpent Nebula, the Widow still a far off point in the darkness. All around them other Alliance vessels engaged the geth ships, destroying and being destroyed in turn.

Liara could feel the repercussions of exploding ships rebound through the hull of the _Normandy_ as Joker flew them skillfully through the aerial battle. He was very quiet, thinking of the souls who were lost which each destroyed vessel, all good loyal soldiers.

Eventually the _Destiny Ascension_ pulled clear of the fighting and the number of geth ships was drastically reduced. The order was given to attack Sovereign.

Joker smiled. "I'm coming to get you, you son of a bitch," he said hollowly.

He flew the _Normandy_ in an arching pattern, first over one of the larger Alliance ships and then under another. He was determined to be the one to bring down Sovereign.

He heard a commander of another ship say that the firefight was too intense, that the Citadel arms were closing and that they should pull back.

_Like hell,_ he thought. _W__e only get one shot at this._

Apparently, Alliance brass agreed with him and he grinned when he heard the order to concentrate all firepower on the Reaper.

Liara was gripping the edge of her seat as Joker expertly manoeuvred the _Normandy_ through the space battle, firing on the oncoming geth fighters. He banked the ship hard to the right and brought the frigate up almost on top of the Reaper, then keyed the ship's cannons and blasted the hell out of Sovereign.

Obviously weakened, the sentient ship began to come apart. Pieces of it broke off and hurled through space. Joker shouted for joy as the Reaper finally disengaged itself from the Citadel, irreparably damaged.

"I am the greatest pilot ever!" he shouted in elation, punching one of his arms into the air in victory. His joy was short-lived, however, when he realised the ship's trajectory.

"Hell _no_," he swore, watching helplessly as the debris crashed through the outer arm of the Citadel into the upper part of the Council chambers.

"Shepard, _move!_" he yelled over the comm.

Liara watched, horrified, as the remains of the ship crashed into the Citadel.

"_No!_" she screamed to herself. "No," she said, more softly.

She looked at the HUD and saw only two readouts. Her insides went cold when she realised that the missing one was Shepard's. Liara stared dumbfoundly at the HUD readouts, unable to believe what she was seening, she felt numb as if her brain had shut down. She looked at Joker pleadingly.

"We're docked," he said to her.

Such was her shock that she hadn't even heard the order to dock the ship. She was up and out of the _Normandy_ before this fact had even registered with her. She ran through the C-Sec Academy and onto the Presidium.

She looked around in disbelief. The entire Presidium was alight. Even the artificial lakes had flames on them. The heat and the smell of burning caught in her throat and caused her to cough violently. Avina flickered crazily on her terminal. People were beginning to come out of their hiding places. Some were injured and held makeshift bandages torn from their expensive clothing to their wounds. Those who were strong enough aided the more severely injured.

Liara spotted the Mako. It was over-turned on its side, destroyed beyond recognition.

For one crazy moment she thought about how annoyed Garrus was going to be at this. This thought caused her to laugh hysterically, she laughed so hard that she had to sit down, all the strength gone from her body. Her crazy laughing quickly turned to sobs as the enormity of what had happened hit her.

Several minutes later, Captain Anderson found her like that, leaning against the destroyed Mako, crying uncontrollably. He bent down to look at the young woman.

"Dr. T'Soni?" he asked her quietly. "Dr. Liara T'Soni?" he said more forcibly in an attempt to rouse the young woman from her hysteria.

Liara looked up at the man who was calling her name. She nodded at him in affirmation.

"Captain David Anderson," he introduced himself, holding out his hand to Liara. "I used to be Commander Shepard's commanding officer."

Liara looked at the hand for a second, her traumatised brain unable to process this information.

"I'm going to look for the ground crew," he told her, still leaving his hand extended. "Would you like to assist?"

Liara looked at the men behind him. They were C-Sec agents; each man had a handheld scanner and a first aid kit.

She looked back at Captain Anderson and shook her head. She then wiped her eyes with her hand, spreading a thin line of grime across her face. Noticing this, she hurriedly wiped her hand off her tunic before grasping the Captain's offered hand. Anderson closed his hand around hers and hauled Liara back onto her feet.

"Yes, I would," she replied in an unsteady voice.

Anderson nodded once as was his fashion, and handed Liara a scanner. "Then you'll be needing this." He smiled slightly at her and turned to the agents behind him, motioning them towards the Council chambers.

Gunnery Chief Williams slowly swam towards consciousness. It was dark, and for a second she wondered if she was blind before remembering her helmet visor. Gingerly, she moved her left hand up to raise it. It made little difference—it was still dark, but she could now make out dim shapes in the darkness.

_Not completely blind anyway_, she thought.

She remained very still as she attempted to catalogue how badly injured she was. A throbbing in her right shoulder told her she was wounded, and judging by the amount of pain she was now feeling, she was injured quite badly.

"God _damn_ it," she swore quietly to herself. "Why couldn't I have stayed knocked out?"

_Now I've gotta deal with this_, she thought as she attempted to move her arm. White-hot pain shot up to her shoulder, causing her to gasp loudly and almost black out again.

"Chief," a thin voice called out. "Is that you?"

Williams tried to pinpoint the source of the voice. "Skipper?"

There was a moment's pause before the answer.

"No, it's me, Tali," came the reply. "Sorry," she added softly.

_Of course it's Tali,_ she told herself crossly. She was angry at her mistake. _T__he skipper must be trapped someplace else_. Williams wasn't ready yet to deal with the alternative.

The final minutes of the battle was slowly beginning to come back to her. Shepard had thrown herself at the thing that had once been Saren and shot it to pieces. Just as she was making her way down the ramp, the sky had darkened and Ashley had looked up to see a huge chunk of a ship's hull come crashing down on top of them. She remembered hearing Shepard shouting at them to move, and the last thing she knew was feeling like she had been punched and flying through the air.

"Tali," she said, relief evident in her voice, "are you okay?"

There was no response for a minute and Ashley feared the worst.

"Yes, I am well," came the reply. "It would appear that my armour protected me quite sufficiently. You?"

"My armour didn't do such a great job," the Chief replied, trying her hardest not to move her shoulder even though the rest of her body was begging for her to move her weight. "I think I've broken my shoulder."

Again there was that moment of hesitation before Tali's reply. "I think I can make my way over to you. I have a little med-gel in my pack that may be of use to you."

The Chief became aware of movement to her left as Tali slowly crawled over to her. The engineer sat down in front of her and pushed up the Chief's visor entirely.

_Ah,_ Williams thought._ That would explain why I couldn't see so well._

"You are bleeding, Chief," Tali noted as she attempted to open the locks on the marine's upper body armour.

Ashley tried to assist, but she couldn't. Every time she attempted to move her left hand, she would move her entire arm, sending searing pain through her body.

Eventually, Tali got the locks open and applied the medi-gel. The effect was immediate—the area went numb and the pain subsided.

"Thanks," Ashley said to Tali.

Tali nodded to her. "No problem, Chief."

The two sat in silence for what felt like an eternity until Tali looked up suddenly. Williams looked in askance at her. She was just about to ask what she heard when a bright light assaulted her eyes. Flinching away from the sudden light, she heard a man say that he had found them and that they were all right.

Within minutes they were freed from the debris they were trapped under. Captain Anderson came and stood in front of the Chief.

Williams attempted to come to attention, but failed miserably.

"At ease, marine," Anderson said when he saw what the Chief was attempting to do.

Gratefully, Ashley slumped back against the wall.

"Where is the Commander?" he asked. "Where's Shepard?"

Ashley sagged further when she heard the Captain's question. How was she going to tell the Captain that his protégé was gone?

She didn't trust herself to speak, she looked at Anderson and then at the ground, shaking her head and pointing to the pile of debris behind them.

"She pushed us out of the way," she finally explained, her voice cracking with the pain of losing her friend.

Anderson looked at her in disbelief. "Commander Shepard is dead?" he asked quietly, thinking of his former executive officer. Like everyone, he believed that Shepard was invincible. She had beaten the odds so many times...

Williams just nodded, tears running down her face.

Liara was standing a ways off from the conversation between the two Alliance personnel, but her keen hearing heard Anderson ask about the Commander. She saw the Chief shake her head and point towards the pile of debris. She could now see the Chief openly crying. She saw Anderson place a comforting hand upon the young marine's uninjured arm and murmur words of consolation to her. Liara watched the two, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

_No!_ her mind screamed. _T__his isn't happening. She can't be gone._

The world began to spin around her and the smell of smoke caused her to gag. The heat was overwhelming and she felt as if she couldn't breathe. Suddenly, Liara's stomach lurched and she was violently ill.

Williams looked over in her direction just in time to see the young asari collapse to the ground.

Ashley closed her eyes for a second. _Liara,_ she thought sadly.

She limped over to where Tali and the medics were helping the asari back onto her feet. One of them handed her a water canister and instructed her to drink from it. Liara just stared at it. When the Chief came to a stop in front of her, Liara raised her eyes to look at her.

"She's...dead?" Liara asked, flatly.

Again the Chief closed her eyes briefly, willing herself to say the words aloud.

"She's dead," Williams confirmed. She reached out to Liara, but the asari pulled away.

"She's dead." Liara repeated the words herself several times before she began to sob.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Shepard awoke to darkness and pain.

She was completely disoriented for a couple of seconds; her face seemed to be pressing down on something hard. She attempted to push herself up, but white-hot pain coursed through her body when she tried. Her lucidity began to slip and she lost consciousness again.

Again, she began to come to. She had no idea how much time had passed since she first passed out. This time, she remained very still, not wanting to risk blacking out again. Like the Chief had done previously, she attempted to catalogue her injuries.

_Remember your training, _she told herself numbly. _Where are you?_

With that question, the final minutes of the battle came back to her.

She remembered, launching herself at the thing that once was Saren and unholstering her pistol in mid-air. She had grappled him to the ground and unloaded her weapon into it. Finally satisfied that it was dead, she had stood up and made her way back up the ramp towards the rest of her team.

She recalled the sky overhead getting dark, and hearing Joker yelling over the comm for her to move. She had looked up to see a massive hulk of debris crashing through the glass of the Council chambers. After that, she remembered screaming at her team to move, to get away lest they be crushed to death.

She vividly remembered Williams shaking her head, yelling at her to move faster and starting down the ramp to aid her. She had generated a mass effect field and shoved both the Chief and Tali out of harm's way. The last thing she remembered was attempting to create a barrier around herself as protection.

_Guess that didn't work,_ she thought wryly to herself. By now she was feeling a little more lucid, but in a lot more pain.

_So, _she thought, continuing with her inner monologue. _I'm trapped facedown under something. _She lay very still for a moment, holding her breath as she attempted to get a feel for where she was.

_Correction,_ she thought an instant later. _I'm trapped _between_ something._

She wished that she could turn on the light in her helmet, but there was something heavy on her back that was keeping her pinned against a jagged surface. She ran her free hand along this surface, only to swear silently as she realised that it was piece of metal.

_Great_, she thought._ I have something pinning me down on a jagged piece of metal. _

Again, she attempted to use her hand to push herself up a little so that she could better assess the situation, but white-hot pain coursed through her body once more and her vision swam. She closed her eyes briefly in an attempt to control the pain, taking deep breaths until she felt it subside and her mind began to clear.

_Let's not do that again, _she told herself sternly.

Gingerly, she ran her hand underneath her body until she came into contact with something sticky and wet that seeped through her glove. For a second, her traumatised brain thought that it was some kind of lubricant.

_How could there be lubricant here?_ she thought stupidly. She wracked her brain trying to think of an answer, and it took her a few seconds to realise the truth of the matter.

_Oh God,_ she thought, sickly. _It's blood__—__my blood and there's quite a lot of it. I must've landed on something._

She felt her consciousnesses begin to fade again as this new realisation and what it meant began to dawn on her.

_No_, she commanded herself. She took several quick shallow breaths of the dust-filled air in an attempt to fight off the encroaching darkness, but panic was grabbing ahold of her. _If I don't get out of here_, she thought, _I'm going to bleed to death._

Yet again she tried to raise herself up a few inches, as she needed to see what she was lying on. She felt bile rise in her throat as she caught a glance of what she was stuck on—she was impaled on a large strut, the type used to weld the bridges in the Council chambers together. It must have been torn up during the attack and she had fallen on it. 

She closed her eyes for a few minutes and rested. Her heart was hammering in her chest as fear and pain coursed through her body.

_Control yourself, Shepard,_ she commanded herself. _Don't do anything rash and stupid._

She rested for several more minutes, closing her eyes and concentrating on her breathing. When she opened them, her nerves were a lot more steady and her heart rate had slowed enough that she could no longer hear the blood rushing past her ears. She was back in control.

Shepard lay there for another few seconds, thinking about what she was going to do. She attempted to move her legs and was surprised when she discovered that they were free.

_So,_ she thought, _the object is only pressing down on my upper body. _A plan began to form in the young commander's mind. _This object must not be very heavy. If I can lift myself up,_ she thought, _the only limiting factors are the fact that I am likely to black out from the __pain and the fact that I have no idea how much rubble is on top of me. I can use a mass effect field to push the rubble out of the way, _she decided. And as for the pain, she'd just work through it.

That decided, she began to put her plan into action.

Chief Williams and Liara were standing together at the far side of the Council chambers. Tali had returned to the _Normandy_ in order to report to the crew what was happening. It really was the Chief's responsibility to do this, but she didn't want to leave. Ashley knew that Liara would not leave the site until they had located Shepard's body, and she didn't want Liara to have to face that alone.

A young medic was attending the Chief's shoulder while they waited. The two watched in silence as the clean-up crew went about its grim task. Captain Anderson was also still around, but he was talking to one of the men, directing him on where to search based on the Chief's report.

Suddenly Liara looked up, a faint smile playing on her tear-stained face. She looked over at the Chief, hope in her eyes.

"Liara," Ashley asked softly, fearful for Liara's state of mind, "are you all right?"

Liara nodded quickly and took off across the Council chamber, quickly reaching the pile of debris. She called out loudly. "Shepard, is that you?"

_Oh no,_ Ashley thought when she heard Liara's voice. She had heard of cases like this when a person was unable to let go of a loved one. She brushed off the medic and began to slowly make her way towards Liara.

Shepard heard Liara calling out to her. For a second, she thought she was hallucinating.

_Liara,_ she thought joyfully.

"Help!" Shepard called out from underneath the debris.

Liara couldn't understand what Shepard was saying to her, but she recognized her voice.

_She's trapped underneath all this rubble_, Liara thought frantically. She began to pull at the looser bits of debris.

"Hang on," she called back. "I'm coming!"

Shepard heard Liara's response and began to redouble her efforts.

Suddenly, Liara stopped pulling at the rubble with her hands and shook her head.

_You really are an idiot, _she thought to herself. Using a biotic lift, she lifted the entire mass of debris up off the Commander and placed it down several meters away. She looked down and saw the prone form of the woman she loved, lying facedown. She rushed over to her and knelt down so that she could see Shepard's face.

Shepard smiled at Liara, even though she couldn't see it."I've got something sticking into me," she explained weakly. "I need you to help me get up."

Liara shook her head. "I don't think you should move," she said.

But Shepard wasn't listening; she had already begun to push herself up. Liara quickly moved to assist her, attempting to take most of her weight and limit the amount of physical damage the Commander was doing to herself. Eventually, the Commander was free. Shepard rolled over onto her back, white lights dancing in front of her eyes.

"Hey," she said softly, smiling gently up at Liara.

_If I die now, _she thought as she placed her hand over the open wound on the right hand side of her chest in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. _I'll die happy._

"Hey," Liara replied, kneeling down in the grime beside her. She placed her hand over Shepard's and watched the blood seep through. "Hang on," she pleaded. "I'm going to get you out of here."

Shepard reached over with her free hand and touched Liara's face, adding a bright red streak to her grime and tear-stained face.

"Love you," Shepard mumbled, and she lost consciousness.

The scene Ashley arrived on was one that would stay with her for the rest of her days. On the ground in front of her were her Skipper and Liara, hands entwined over the Commander's bleeding wound. She had arrived just in time to see Shepard touch Liara's face and murmur her words of love before she passed out. Although Shepard hadn't heard the words, the Chief heard Liara repeat the words back to her.

_Geez, _the Chief thought. _This is no time for tender moments_.

While she was moved by what she saw, the amount of blood on the Commander's armour alarmed her immensely. _She's seriously hurt! _Williams thought.

"Captain Anderson!" she called out, causing Liara to jump in alarm. "Call a med cart! Dr. T'Soni found the Commander!"

Anderson looked up from what he was doing and saw the Commander lying on the ground, Liara kneeling beside her.

"Roger that!" he called back to the Chief and got on the comm.

Williams knelt down on the opposite side of the Commander. "You shouldn't have moved her," she said softly to Liara.

Liara looked at the Chief. "I didn't," she replied. "She moved herself."

The Chief looked down at the unconscious woman in front of her and shook her head. She was scanning the Commander's body for injuries when suddenly she realized that the Commander's breathing was becoming extremely shallow. Alarmed, she pulled off her glove and checked for Shepard's pulse at her neck. It was weak and thready.

"We have to move her _now_," the Chief ordered, worry written clearly across her face.

Liara noticed that the Commander's lips were beginning to turn blue. "Chief," she said slowly. "She's stopped breathing!"

Swearing, Ashley put her ear over the Commander's heart. "Damn it!" she swore again. "Anderson!" she yelled frantically, forgetting to address him by his rank. "Where the _hell_ is that med cart?!"

The Captain, who was on his way over to the three, stopped in his tracks when he realised what was happening.

"I'll go find it!" he called back. "Just keep her alive, Chief!" he ordered, pointing at the Commander.

Williams looked at Liara. "I need you to breathe for her," she instructed. "I'll count. When I tell you to, I need you to give the Commander the kiss of life." Suddenly something occurred to the Chief. "You're familiar with that, right? I need you to blow oxygen into the Commander's lungs for me while I pump her heart."

Liara nodded once. "Understood," was all she said, worry written all over her face.

"Okay," the Chief said. "On my mark."

The Chief began the resuscitation procedure that she had learned back in basic training.

"One, two, three," she said, massaging the Commander's heart. "Now, Liara!" she said, and the asari exhaled into the Commander. The Chief began massaging once again, her shoulder throbbing from the exertions. After repeating the process five or six times, the Chief checked for a pulse. She sighed in relief when she felt it beating weakly underneath her fingers.

"We can't wait for the cart," Liara said, frantically "She won't last much longer."

"Agreed," the Chief said, wiping the Commander's blood off her hand onto her armour. "Let's move."

Williams bent down and picked up her Commander, ignoring the sharp pain in her shoulder. Grunting, she shifted the Commander's weight as she carried her over her shoulder in much the same fashion as the Commander had carried her on Virmire.

_I hope I'm not making the situation worse, _she thought. She was dimly aware of the trail of blood behind her.

Ashley looked around frantically for the medic who had been tending her shoulder, but he was nowhere to be seen. Swearing viciously, she began to make her way out of the Council chambers onto the Presidium.

"Look!" Liara said, pointing ahead of her. "It's Dr. Chakwas."

Liara was never so grateful to see someone in her entire life. She ran ahead of Williams towards the doctor and the captain to help push the gurney. Williams stepped up her pace and when she reached them she gently placed her charge upon it.

"Chief, go ahead and clear the way. I want a clear run to the_ Normandy_," the doctor ordered.

Williams saluted and took off. Liara quickly followed on her heels, using her biotics to clear debris out of the way. Williams understood why it had taken them so long to reach the Commander. The place was thronged with people all demanding answers from anyone who looked remotely official. Several C-Sec officers assisted them when they saw what Williams and Liara were doing and whom they were clearing the way for.

Several minutes later they reached the _Normandy_, which had obtained special clearance to dock on the Council's docking bay as opposed to the normal military bay.

Anderson quickly overrode the decontamination procedure and Chakwas rushed through with the gurney towards the med bay. Several crew members stopped to watch the scene, but Anderson barked at them to stand to their stations.

Once they reached the med bay, Dr. Chakwas threw everyone out so that she and her medical staff could work on the Commander. Liara stood at the Commander's bedside, silent tears streaming down her face, as the medical staff attached monitors to her beloved.

She gave Shepard's chapped lips a light kiss and her hand a tight squeeze before she left. Dr. Chakwas watched her go, promising her that she would be the first to know if there was any change in her condition. Liara just nodded, the immensity of the past few hours threatening to crush her.

The Chief was sitting in the mess hall being tended by one of the staff nurses. The nurse was giving out to the Chief for the extensive damage she had dealt to her shoulder.

"If this had been seen to immediately," the nurse complained, "it wouldn't require such extensive treatment now." She roughly applied some medi-gel to the wound on the Chief's shoulder, causing the Chief to wince.

Something in the nurse's tone caused something to snap inside of the Chief and she caught the nurse's hand.

"What would have had me do?" she said angrily to the medic. "Leave the Commander to bleed to death in Liara's arms?" She roughly shoved the hand away from her. "All so that I could go and get my shoulder attended to?"

There were several people in the mess hall at this point, most notably Captain Anderson. They all stopped what they were doing and looked over at the Chief. Several winced when they saw her bloodied shoulder while other looked at the floor, where her armour was discarded. It was caked in blood. The majority of it was the Commander's, but a fair amount of it was Williams'. Several of them silently agreed with what she had just said.

"I will thank you to keep your opinions to yourself," the Chief continued angrily, "and do your job so that I can get back to mine."

The nurse looked as if she was going to reply, but Captain Anderson came up behind the Chief and placed a calming hand on the marine's good shoulder.

"Thank you, I'll take over from here," he said, dismissing her. He took the medi-gel from the nurse and looked at the shoulder critically. "You know," he said gently, "she's right."

Williams stared at him and was about to answer when Anderson held up his hand.

"I'm not saying what you did was wrong. Far from it." He smiled at the young marine. "You saved the Commander's life," he said, loud enough so that everyone could hear. "Often people who have never been on the front lines don't understand the decisions that must be made. That nurse didn't, but now you do. You understand me, marine?"

"Yes, sir," Ashley said crisply. _At least I think I do, _she added silently.

"You'll be okay, Williams," he said.

Ashley wasn't sure if he was talking about her shoulder or about her personally.

"Now," he said, looking around the mess. He really did miss this place. "I must go meet with Udina and try keep us all out of the stocks."


	12. Chapter 12

_Okay folks, first I would really like to apologise to everyone. This has taken me far longer to post than I previously anticipated. I know I said that it was finished and just waiting to be updated, but I didn't like the way it ended, so I scrapped it. I'm not a hundered percent sure about this chapter or the ones after it and I've been messing with them for a while. I finally decided to just post them and get on with it. Secondly, thanks to everyone who is reading this, thanks for the emails, the C2's, the alerts and most importantly the reviews. Thanks again. _

Chapter 12

Captain David Anderson slowly made his way through the ship, pausing now and again to have a word with a crewmember or two. He really did miss this ship, but speaking with its crew made him realise that he had left it in good hands.

Stepping onto the main deck, he looked around. The muffled sound of conversation reached his ears as the crew went about its business. He was however aware of the slight tension that was in the air. It was the tension which came when a ship's CO had been injured. The crew was worried about the Commander. This further enforced his opinion that he had made the right decision putting Shepard forward for the Spectre's.

_That woman inspires loyalty,_ he thought proudly.

He caught Pressley's eye as he made his way up to the flight deck.

"Captain" the navigator acknowledged.

Anderson paused for a second noticing the unusual tone in the other man's voice.

_Something's amiss here_, he thought to himself, _Pressley doesn't look happy._

All too familiar with the navigator's moods, he sighed to himself and walked towards him.

"Lieutenant Pressley," Anderson began, "I would personally like to thank you for your skilful handling of the Normandy during Commander Shepard's away mission."

Pressley looked up from his console, he paused for a second and seemed to think twice about what he was about to say.

"Thank you, Sir," he replied to the senior officer.

"Speak freely Lieutenant, what's bothering you?" Anderson said, after seeing the hesitation.

_I think I know what this is going to be about_, he thought to himself, he too had been a bit taken aback when he realised what was going on between the Commander and Dr. T'soni, but not overly so and not to the extent that he knew Pressley would be.

The other man looked at his former Captain and seemed to weigh up his words carefully.

"Are you aware of the _situation _between the Doctor and the Commander?" Pressley asked.

Anderson smiled to himself, pleased that he was still able to read his old crew so well.

"What situation is that Lieutenant?" the Captain asked nonachantly, brushing his hand down the front of his jacet, as if to remove imaginary lint. As he asked, I _don't have time for this_, he thought tiredly, _I need to get to the Citadel, before Udina has a chance to put his own spin on what has happened._

"The Commander and_ that _ asari, Sir, "Pressley replied, venom dripping from his voice, "I believe that they are _involved_ with _each other_" he elaborated needlessly.

Anderson once again sighed to himself, _never tell an officer that he can speak freely_, he reminded himself.

" Look, Lieutenant, " he began, taking the other man's arm and leading him away to a quiet space away from the other officers, " what you believe or don't believe is irrelevant, whether the Commander and the good Doctor are involved, as you put it, is also irrelevant," seeing that the navigator was about to protest, " the fact is that Doctor T'soni isn't military and the Commander is perfectly within her rights to have a relationship with her," he looked at the other man.

Pressley looked like he was going to explode with anger.

"The _good_ Doctor, as _you_ put it, Captain, went against my orders and approached Admiral Hackett, she then threatened him into assigning the fleet" he whispered angrily.

_So I gave you too much credit, Pressley. It was Doctor T'soni who brought the fifth fleet._

Anderson thought,_ that's why you're angry._

"I'll speak to the Commander about that, Lieutenant" he said smoothly, " and I very much doubt that the Doctor threatened the Admiral" he looked at the other man for a few minutes, trying to decide how he was going to say what he wanted to say without it seeming like a threat.

"Look," he paused for a second, realising that he didn't remember the man's first name, " look" he repeated again, " off the record, Pressley," he said looking the other man straight in the eye, " Doctor T'soni, did the right thing, " he held up his hand to stall the other man's protests, " she did the right thing," he repeated, " your not cut out for command Pressley, your a fantastic navigator and a huge asset to this ship," he said, to soften his previous words "but a command track officer your not," he said gently, " we both know that" he looked at the other man again and saw him nod slightly in acceptance of the Captain's words. " Now Pressley, consider the Commander, who is at this moment lying in your medical bay, fighting for her life, after almost single handily saving the galaxy, despite all the odds," again he looked at the other man, " I think she has earned the right to be involved with whom ever she chooses, don't you?"

Seeing that the other man wasn't going to reply. He leaned in closer to the other man.

"Put another way, Lieutenant, would you like the Commander as an enemy or as a friend, because what you do with these _beliefs_ that you have, will determine that." he slapped the other man lightly on the back and gave him 'a consider what I've said' look.

"Carry on Lieutenant," he said loudly, walking swiftly away from the other man, and off the Normandy.

Back on the Citadel, Anderson made his way through the wreckage; a few people recognising the uniform stopped him to ask after the Commander. He told them that she was in good hands and receiving the best possible care for her injuries. He reassured them that as soon as there was any other news it would be made available. He paused before the over turned Mako, which a group of technicians were attempting to move. He shook his head when he saw the state in which the vehicle was in.

_How the hell did she survive that?_ he thought, _ah well the gods look after children and crazy people._

He didn't really think that the Commander was crazy, a bit unorthodox, but not crazy._.._

_Not really_, he thought, chuckling quietly to himself.

He remembered the first time that he had met her, before she had become a Commander and before Elysium...

She hadn't been a N7 then, she hadn't really been much of anything actually. Just one face among hundreds. But he remembered her, there was something in the way she walked and the way she talked. The way in which the rest of the platoon had looked to this nobody for guidance and how she had effortlessly accepted that role. He recalled how she had time and again, put herself on the line for a member of her squad, in one case physically using her body to protect a fellow marine.

He had once asked her, during a quiet time, why she did it. Why did she accept the role of protector which the squad had forced her into. Her answer had stayed with him for the rest of his days.

Because, she had said, nobody else will do it.

_That's how simple it is to you, Shepard, isn't it_ he thought, looking at the destroyed Mako and the surveying the destruction all around him,_ you do it because, _ he thought again,_ nobody else will._

"Captain Anderson," a voice called out sharply behind him.

On one level Anderson recognised the voice but he couldn't place it.

"Anderson" the voice called out again, this time with a hint of a command to it.

Anderson turned around sharply, now he recognised the voice. He quickly came to attention, when Admiral Hackett reached him.

"At ease," Hackett said, briefly returning the salute. Once Anderson had relaxed, the Admiral extended his hand, "good to see you, David" he said.

" You too, Sir" Anderson replied, shaking the other man's hand, despite all the years he had known the Admiral he refused to call him by his first name, " thank you for bringing the fleet"

Hackett smiled at this, "So you heard?"

"Heard what, Sir?" was the reply.

"That a certain asari doctor came to my office and _showed _me the error of my ways"

Anderson smiled back at the Admiral when he heard this, "Showed you, eh, that must have been something?"

"Indeed" was the reply he got.

"Well at least you weren't threatened...," Anderson said, seeing that he wasn't going to get any more information on the mind-meld from the Admiral.

Hackett sighed at this, "Pressley?" he guessed.

"Pressley" the other man confirmed, nodding slightly at his superior officer.

"Do you have it sorted?" Hackett asked, he too had guessed at the nature of the Doctor's and the Commander's relationship.

"Yes, I do" Anderson replied.

"Good" Hackett said, he didn't want to know the ins and outs of it, although he knew what he would say to the navigator.

Hackett looked around him, "she's caused quiet a mess this time, hasn't she?" he said looking at the wreckage around him.

"That she has," Anderson replied following the Admirals gaze.

"Damn woman, all the paper work she's causing me" the Admiral gripped.

Anderson just smiled at this; it was a common complaint when someone was dealing with Shepard.

"At least she has her paperwork is up to date" he replied still smiling.

"Damn woman," Hackett swore again, "how does she do it, save the galaxy and complete her paperwork." an angry petulant look on his face, "is there anything she's not able to do?"

Anderson laughed out loud at this; the sound was out of place amongst the wreckage and fires. He sobered quickly, looking down at the Mako again.

"I hear she's a terrible cook"

This time Hackett followed his gaze.

"Damn," he swore softly seeing the mangled vehicle.

A few minutes of silence passed between the men, each lost in their own thoughts.

"How is she doing?" Hackett finally quietly asked Anderson.

Anderson looked sideways at the Admiral, "Last I saw of her was when we rushed her through the citadel on a trolley, she had a huge hole in her chest, there was blood everywhere and she had already arrested" he looked again at the Admiral, "I left her with Doctor Chakwas," he said, brushing down his uniform jacket, "anything changes, she'll let me know"

"Good" Hackett said again, he looked at Anderson and then back down at the Mako, "I hear you're in a bit of trouble yourself?" he asked.

Anderson smiled at this, "I heard that too," he said, "apparently I punched an ambassador and aided Commander Shepard to steal the _Normandy_"

"Yeah," Hackett replied, "they're serious charges, any witnesses?"

"To Udina getting his lights punched out?"

Hackett nodded.

"Nope," the other man answered, "but I did do it and I'd do it again, stupid man, playing at politics."

Again Hackett nodded.

"And the _Normandy_?" the Admiral asked.

"Yes, I helped Shepard to steal it; I knocked Udina out so that I could access the release codes from his desk, so that Shepard could hijack the _Normandy._"

"You've been busy" Hackett said, "and here was me thinking that a desk job would settle you down."

"Yes, Sir" was all Anderson replied.

"You believed her right from the outset, didn't you?" he asked Anderson.

"Yes, Sir" Anderson replied again.

"Why?" Hackett asked.

"Because, Sir," Anderson began slowly and then stopped, trying to get his thoughts in order, "there's something about her, I've never known her to disassemble or stretch the truth," he shrugged, "I don't know Admiral," he said, "I just did, I misjudged her once before and it almost cost me a mission" again he shrugged, "the council was making the same mistake I made except on a much grander scale."

Hackett nodded in recognition of what Anderson was saying.

"She served under me too once" Hackett said, "she was very young, and I was a Captain, she hadn't even been fully commissioned as an officer yet, the brass were holding her back, a bit worried about her past and the effect that it was having on her, I don't remember the exact mission, but I remember Shepard." he looked at Anderson again, "the enemy underestimated her that day too"

"So is that why you gave your support to her Spectre application?" Anderson asked thinking about what the Admiral had said.

"Yes and no" he replied, "We wanted to send the brightest and the best of us to the spectres, it is my belief that Shepard is that person."

Anderson nodded at this.

"Your right Anderson, there is just something about her"

Both men stood in silence.

"Why did Udina give his support to her application though?" Hackett asked, "Surely, he didn't think that she would be easy to manipulate, one look at her record would have disabused him of that notion!"

"Shepard saved his family" Anderson said simply.

"Of course she did" Hackett said laughing, " that woman has made a career out of saving peoples families, I reckon at this rate half the known galaxy can say that Sulien Shepard has saved their family"

Anderson was silent for a moment, " Sir, after this" he said waving his hand around, to indicate the Citadel, " the entire galaxy, known and unknown, can say that Sulien has saved their family"

Now it was Hacketts turn to be silent, as he considered the young woman in question.

"Yeah" he said quietly, " but who's going to save Shepard?" he asked, staring straight ahead.

"Liara" Anderson replied simply, then he once again stopped and considered who he was talking about, " although Shepard isn't great at accepting help, or at relationships" he added as an afterthought.

"Comes with the territory, I guess" Hackett said, very aware of Shepards unique background.

"What are we going to do about Udina, Admiral?" Anderson asked pointedly changing the subject.

Hackett looked at the younger man standing in front of him. He noticed the tightness behind his eyes.

"Don't worry Anderson, I'll see too it that you don't get into major trouble over this"

"Thank you, Sir. But that's not what I was asking. Udina is going to be out to get Shepard now, after all she disobeyed his orders and stole the _Normandy_ right from under his nose, and she was also instrumental in getting you to disobey his orders. She's made him look bad too, to men like Udina, image is everything. Sir, he could make life very difficult for the Commander." Anderson said, he rolled his shoulders in an attempt to loosen them up a little.

"I understood what you were asking, Captain," the Admiral said, clasping the other man's forearm, "and don't you worry, Udina is not going to make any trouble for our Commander Shepard either"

_Although, I don't think Shepard would be overly concerned with the threats of a politician, she'd probably just shoot him._ Hackett thought, remembering once hearing the young woman, referring to politicians as target practice, when she had been assigned to guard a diplomatic function.

Hackett had been a military man his entire life, but a man did not get to the rank of Admiral without learning a thing or two about politics and he had a fair enough idea as to how the Citadel council was going to react to Commander Shepard's actions. With any bit of luck he wouldn't have to intervene.

But first he had a bit of paperwork to look after, he was aware that the crew of the _Normandy_ were worried about disciplinary action after the theft of the ship, amongst other things.

.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Liara looked in askance at Dr. Chakwas.

"I am not military, therefore you can not order me to rest" she stated primly.

_That might have worked on Pressley, but it won't work on me, young lady, _the Doctor thought amusedly to herself.

Chakwas just nodded at this and reached for a syringe.

"Dr. T'soni, if you do not go and rest voluntarily, I will sedate you" the medical doctor replied.

"You have no grounds for that Doctor Chakwas" Liara replied crossly, folding her arms across her chest.

"On the contrary, Dr. T'soni, I will just say that you became hysterical" Chakwas began to fill the syringe, when the Chief walked into the room.

"Go rest, Liara" she said, upon seeing the two doctors facing off, "I'll stay with the Commander until you return."

Liara looked at the Chief, who just nodded to her and then at Chakwas, who grinned evilly at her.

"Remember, in the medical bay I am God," Chakwas said to the retreating form of Liara, "I always get my way down here"

Liara muttered something under her breath as she closed the door to her sleeping area.

Sure that the door was closed and that Liara was not going to come back out, Chakwas turned to the young Gunnery Chief.

"Thanks for coming down, Chief. I really didn't want to sedate her" Chakwas said, as she adjusted the blankets covering the Commander.

"No problem, Doc," the Chief replied, wincing slightly as she attempted to shrug her shoulders.

Chakwas looked closely at the young marine in front of her, she wouldn't admit aloud but she had been worried about this particular crewmember since Virmire, "did you get that shoulder seen to?" she asked, frowning at the young woman.

"Yes, ma'am" the Chief replied quickly attempting to hide the grimace which the action had caused her.

The Doctors frown deepened, "I don't believe you, chief" she answered, "remove your shirt for me please." she said.

"Seriously, Doc, it's fine" Ashley protested, "just a little stiff"

"That wasn't a request, Chief" the Doctor replied formally.

"God damn it" Ashley swore under her breath, as she began to carefully remove her shirt for the Doctor.

Chakwas silently laughed as she examined the wound in front of her.

"Who treated this?" she asked.

"Ah," was all the reply she got, "Can't say I exactly remember, things were kinda crazy, you know Doc"

"Who?" the Doctor demanded again, she had been at this job long enough to know when a soldier was avoiding the truth.

"Some nurse" the Chief replied slowly, hoping that this would be the end of the conversation.

"A nurse," Chakwas said, the disbelief clear in her voice, "no nurse on this ship or on the Citadel treated this wound, Chief"

The Chief hung her head in defeat, she looked down at her Commander, lying prone on the bed in front of her, and she just didn't have the energy to argue with the Doctor, not after everything that had happened.

"I had an argument with the nurse treating me" she explained, " she said some things about me," Williams shook her head, " I guess, I got a little hot headed with her, the Captain heard us and took over from her"

"The Captain," the Doctor demanded again, "as in Captain Anderson?"

"Yes ma'am" the Chief replied dejectedly, she was so tired; the adrenaline had suddenly worn off, leaving her thourghly exhausted and feeling a bit emotional.

Ashley rubbed her forehead with her good hand, in an attempt to stop the headache that was beginning to make itself felt.

Chakwas, who was looking closely at the young woman in front of her, noticed the change in the Chiefs body language and saw the young woman rub her forehead tiredly.

_Ah, here we go,_ she thought to herself, _the come down._

She took pity on the marine, understanding only too well the effect the past twenty four hours was having on her. Chakwas went to her office and came back with two tablets and a large glass of water.

"Here," she said gently, "take these" she handed the Chief the tablets, "they'll help with the headache" she explained.

Ashley took the tablets gratefully from the Doctor and swallowed them in one go.

"Thanks Doc." she said handing the glass back to the Doctor, "the past few hours have been crazy"

The Doctor smiled at the young woman, and turned her attention back to her wounded shoulder.

"So, Captain Anderson fancies himself as a bit of a medic, does he?" she began again.

Ashley attempted to turn her head to face the Doctor.

"Hold still, "the Doctor ordered sharply, "or you'll reopen the wound"

The Chief did as she was told. She was watching the Commander as she breathed slowly in and out, she looked at the machines surrounding her CO and felt the tears begin to form in her eyes.

"That man," the Doctor said exasperated, "he never learns"

Ashley didn't hear the Doctors comment; the tears flowed freely down her face. A deep shudder racked her body. Chakwas paused in her rant.

"Chief?" she asked gently, getting no response, as the other woman continued to cry uncontrollably.

"Ashley, hey," she said softly, coming around to kneel in front of the other woman, "it's okay, it's over" she soothed, wrapped her arms around the distraught marine and pulled her close to her.

_They are all so young,_ she thought to herself, looking at the woman whom she was comforting and thinking about the one that she had ordered to bed and of course there was the Commander to consider.

_So young and so broken,_ she concluded sadly_. _

Chakwas had been around long enough to know what long term effects events like these had on their participants, she just hoped that the Alliance made the necessary counselling available, not that the Commander would go voluntarily or anything, that didn't worry Chakwas too much though, _I'll just order her to go, again. _

The Chief laid her head on the comforting shoulder of the Doctor and continued to cry. She couldn't help it, it was as if all her fears of the past day or so suddenly broke free and overwhelmed her defences. She cried softly in the CMO's arms for several more minutes.

Eventually she looked up.

"Sorry ma'am" she said, embarrassment creeping into her voice.

"Nothing to apologise for Chief," the other woman said kindly, with a dismissive wave of her hand " as you said yourself, the past few hours have been crazy." she handed the other woman a tissue from a box beside the Commander's bed. She had placed them there earlier, for Liara.

Ashley accepted it gratefully and began to wipe her eyes. Chakwas walked into her office and came back with another glass of water for the Chief. Handing the glass to the woman, the Doctor then returned to tending the marine's shoulder. Ashley slowly drank the water, taking the opportunity to calm herself down.

"It will heal" she said to Williams, "although it's going to leave a scar"

Ashley just nodded, not really listening. She was watching her CO again.

"Is she going to be okay" she asked the Doctor in a quiet voice.

_Just like children looking for reassurance,_ she thought to herself, hearing the fearful tone in the Chief's voice.

Once again the Doctor came into the Chief's field of vision. She walked towards the Commander and pulled down the sheet covering the Commander, exposing the other woman's shoulders and clavicle. A vicious looking scar ran from just under her right collar bone and across the woman's chest disappearing over her left shoulder.

"A knife wound" Ashley guessed, trying to wipe the tears from her face, "somebody tried to cut her throat, but she was too tall for them" she surmised, " nasty" she said shivering involuntarily, as she imagined the type of person who would do this to another living being. She also wondered at the type of people Shepard had been exposed to.

_Explains a lot about the Commander,_ she thought to herself, i_f the only people she's used to dealing with, are the kind that do this, guess I wouldn't be so great with making friends either._

Ashley looked closely at her CO, noting all the small and not so small scars visible to her, _and these are just the physical scars,_ she thought, _nope I wouldn't be so great with people either._

"Exactly," the Doctor said, unaware of the Chief's thoughts, "it happened groundside, about a year ago, we almost lost her that time too" the Doctor said fondly, brushing a strand of hair off her Commanders face, "the point is Chief, we didn't"

She looked at the other woman.

" Look," the Doctor said, " I've served with the Commander on several missions, I've been part of Captain Anderson's crew for almost ten years now and she's been his XO for almost five years, for a year before that she served as his Lieutenant," she explained, " I've patched that woman up more times than I can count" she said looking at her young CO, "my point is, Chief" she said returning her attention back to the young marine, " is that Commander Shepard _will_ die someday, but when that day comes it will be on her terms and when and how she decides"

"Do you really believe that Doctor?" the Chief asked.

"Yes" the older woman replied.

"Why?" Ashley asked, "Nobody knows the time and place of their death"

"I know Ashley, and that's not exactly what I meant either," the Doctor replied, "but your right, after all" she said, " that is what the good book teaches"

Williams just nodded at this, filing away in her head that Chakwas was also religious, _strange thing for a Doctor to be,_ she thought absentmindly, _no stranger than a marine being religious though._

"I believe it," she said, "because that is what the Commander said" she looked at the young woman on the bed, "and as you know better than most, what the Commander says, goes."

"You really believe in her that much?" Williams asked amazed.

"Yes" the Doctor replied, "don't you?" she asked, turning her gaze back to the Chief.

"Yeah," she said, "of course, but I'm different," she explained, "I'm part of her assault team, I have to trust her"

"To watch your back, to look out for you and to protect you, just as you watch her back and protect her" Chakwas finished.

"Yeah" Williams said again.

"But you don't have to believe in her, do you?" the Doctor asked, "There's no written rule that says you have to believe in your CO"

"No" Ashley said, getting confused.

She often found this with the Doctor. Chakwas had a tendency to talk around in circles.

_Or maybe your just too dumb to follow what she's saying, Williams,_ she thought.

"But you do believe in her, don't you Ashley?" Chakwas asked, aware that she was beginning to lose the other woman.

"Of course" the other woman said emphatically, "I just never thought that anybody aside from her assault teams believed in her that much"

"Ashley, there's no one person on this ship that doesn't believe in the Commander as much or more as you do" Chakwas told the other woman, " the Commander is the glue that holds us together and the light that keeps the darkness from our lives"

The Doctor stood up and checked Williams shoulder, she then handed the Chief back her shirt. Ashley accepted the garment slowly considering what the other woman had said. Chakwas smiled when she saw the other woman's amazement.

"Today the rest of the galaxy got to see what you, I and every other being on this ship already knew" she said smiling at the other woman, "Shepard means what she says."

Ashley just nodded at this.

"Now put on your shirt, Chief" the Doctor ordered, "or you'll catch your death," she watched as the other woman threw her shirt back on, " I'm going to the mess for a bit, I'll bring you back something to eat," she said, " and when Dr. T'soni returns, your to go get some sleep"

"Right you are, Doc." Williams replied, smiling as she watched the woman leave the medical bay.

She looked down at the woman on the bed, "don't make a liar out of her Shepard" she said to the silent woman on the bed.


	14. Chapter 14

To be continued in Only for you, Part 2.


End file.
